


Unravel Me

by jacquie_bebop



Series: Unravel Me [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 | Luciel Choi's Real Name, 707 | Luciel Choi's Route, 707's After Story ending, Also mimosas, Classy smut though, Complete, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I don't blame her, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Light Dom/sub, MC wishes they could be poly, Maybe a few others it all blurs together, Maybe more if I can figure out how to write it, More Flashbacks, More smut in chapter five, Other, PhD Pepper used as a weapon, Reset Theory (Mystic Messenger), Reunions, Saeran being a good bro, Slow Dancing, Smut, Smut in chapter Two, Spoilers, Spoilers for mostly 707's route, Why Did I Write This?, brief thoughts of a threesome, dangerous use of 'make love', for real now, heavy breakfast conversation, movie marathons, nervous texting, sharing is caring, some smut, two lovers one room, well kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9203756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquie_bebop/pseuds/jacquie_bebop
Summary: You finished all the routes and finally got your happy ending.But then why can't you just let go?





	1. The Gift

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe how nervous I am to post this, haha. I am not a writer and have no idea what I'm doing, but finally figured, why the fuck not. This idea wouldn't get out of my head for weeks, ~~probably because I'm tryna bone Seven & Jumin~~ probably because I have too much love for these Deep Route boys. I have an idea of how to expand on this, but haven't been able to get it quite right yet. I'd love any feedback, though please be gentle! ;)

You look down at the mop of red hair in your lap, and you smile quietly to yourself, feeling the silky strands slip through your fingers. It’s finally over. You’ve finished the game, played the way you were supposed to, and now are happily with the man you knew you’d end up with.

It was hard going through the motions of the game, knowing where it was going to end. You knew they wouldn’t remember, but for some reason, that almost made it worse. Sending those flirtatious texts, answering late night phone calls, and allowing yourself to get wooed – just to know that by the end of the 11 days, you were going to have to move on to someone new. It broke a piece of your heart each time; not necessarily because you were in love with each guy, but because you did care for them, and you wanted them to be happy. Even if they couldn’t remember the love you shared, you always would. You took solace in the fact that they weren’t in any pain without you, since they don’t remember being with you. But the guilt stayed around you like a ghost most days, haunting you and reminding you of what you did.  

For the most part, you felt okay moving on from them, because deep down, you knew it just didn’t feel _right_. Zen made you feel like a queen, and he could compliment you with the best of them – albeit with some cheesy one-liners – but a deeper connection never fully formed in your heart. You loved Yoosung’s positivity, and his pureness – but he was just a little _too_ innocent and naïve. Not to mention, you had been with your fair share of gamers in the past, and being a gaming widow isn’t an experience you’d like to replicate. And did he ever fully understand you weren’t Rika? You never saw Jaehee as more than a friend, so walking away from her route was pretty painless.

The only one you had trouble forgetting was Jumin.

Oh, **Jumin**.

There was just something about him that you can’t seem to let go. Maybe it was the fact that he was so blissfully unaware of himself until he met you, and how he was always willing to learn new things to continue to be with you. Or the fact that he was such an adorable dork, and you knew that your sarcastic wit and jokes weren’t lost on him. His obvious handsomeness didn’t hurt anything, either. But it was probably the fact that you could relate to his struggle.

_I have all these strings tangled up in my mind, and I don’t know how to unravel them. Being with you, having you understand me, makes me feel like they can be unraveled._

Having tangled threads was something that you experienced, once upon a time, and working with Jumin through it helped untangle your own, in more ways than you cared to admit. Loving Jumin came surprisingly easy to you; like riding a bike after not picking one up in 10 years. He truly had a beautiful soul, and to be frank, your sexual chemistry had felt like it could light the world on fire.

 But, you knew where you needed to go, who your heart wanted to love next. It was the hardest reset, but you did it anyway, knowing that at the end of the day, Saeyoung was the one you were meant to be with.

You look down at the beautiful man in your lap again, who’s attempting to concentrate on some kind of coding for work. His fingers work fast, almost like they don’t need any commands to be moving, and he’s happily humming a song, his eyes closing every once in a while when your fingers reach a sensitive spot of his scalp. You can’t help but adore him. His sense of humor, his quirkiness, the way he shows his love for you, his darkness and his light – he was the perfect complement to your soul. When you were together, you just felt _complete_. It was beyond love, beyond words that existed to describe it.

There were days you wondered if Saeyoung knew the truth of what you had to do to get here. It wouldn’t surprise you. He was overtly self-aware of everything else, and always had the intense desire to figure out everyone’s secrets. It wasn’t a hard leap to imagine that he knew yours. However, if that was the case, he had never brought it up. Maybe knowing didn’t change anything for him, or maybe he was willing to watch it all happen knowing you’d end up with him. There’s no way to know for sure, and you certainly weren’t going to open that can of worms if you didn’t have to.

Saeyoung lets out an exasperated sigh, and your eyes travel down to him. “What’s wrong, defender of justice?” you smirk, mussing up his hair.

“Work, AGAIN. They want me to leave town this weekend and meet with a client nearby. Apparently, it’s for some pretty secretive stuff, if they want to meet in person.” In the reflection of the laptop screen, you see him put on a spectacular pouty face. “I wanted to spend this weekend with you,” he continues, pushing out his bottom lip.

You reach down and flick his lip with your finger. “I wanted to spend this weekend with you, too, but we have every weekend for the rest of forever to make up for it. Just go to work, babe. I’ll be fine.”

He grabs your finger, pulling it into his mouth to playfully bite it. “That’s the other thing,” he says, guiding your hand down to his chest. “I don’t think you should stay in the house alone. There are still dangerous people out there that would love to get to you. Plus, you know how testy the door can be when I’m not around.”

You think back to the last time you were locked out of your own house, because you couldn’t figure out how to say “I heart Agent 707’s dick” in Arabic. It wasn’t your fault that your Arabic dictionary didn’t have the word “dick” in it.

“So, then what do you want to do with me? Ship me off to a convent somewhere? Bring me with you?” You look down at him and wiggle your eyebrows at the last suggestion, thinking of what trouble you two could get into in a hotel room in a different city.

“I’d love to bring you with me,” he starts, smiling back at you, “but it’s not a good idea. I’m not sure how long I’ll have to meet with the client, or how long work will end up wanting to speak with me in person anyway.” He sits up and spins to face you now, pulling you closer to him. “What about a girls’ weekend with Jaehee? I’m sure she’d love it.”

You reach forward and poke his nose. “That’s not a bad idea, I’ll go text her!” You go to get up to get your phone, but soon find yourself being tugged back into his lap. “Wait a minute, what if I want your attention right now?” he pouts, holding your face between his hands. You laugh and give him a kiss, while reaching down to tickle his sides.

* * *

 

Finding out that Jaehee was going to be unavailable that weekend was a bummer, as after Saeyoung mentioned it, girl time sounded really appealing. You hadn’t spent alone time with Jaehee since finishing her route, and she was the best to just veg out and gossip with. However, you understood that weekends off were a rarity for her, and couldn’t blame her for wanting to take time to herself for a weekend away.

Time for plan B.  Zen was out of the question – he was busy rehearsing for his upcoming performance, not to mention that everyone who had access to a computer and the internet could figure out where he lived – not very secure. Yoosung’s mom was coming in to visit him again this weekend, which he had been whining about for the last few days, despite the fact that everyone knew he was secretly glad to spend time with her again.

That left one other option.

Jumin.

Saeyoung was actually the one to bring it up first. “Why not?” he said, looking at you absentmindedly. “His place is super secure, he has a bunch of body guards, he’s boring and will probably work the whole time so you’ll get plenty of cuddles with Elly. Sounds ideal to me,” he concluded, chuckling to himself.

“Do you think he’ll mind? I don’t want to invade his space,” is what you said out loud, but your mind was distracted.

“No way! I’m calling him right now, I’m sure he’ll be do- HEY! Mr. Trustfundkid! Want to babysit my girlfriend for the weekend?” Saeyoung starts walking out of the room, cell phone in hand, to continue the conversation.

Your mind is a million miles away. Jumin’s penthouse? But the last time you were there…. The last time you were there, alone, with him…

You feel your cheeks start to redden, a hard blush creeping up your neck, as a result of that line of thinking. You knew very well what happened the last time you were there, and it was something that Saeyoung wouldn’t like to know about, if he knew the truth.

You shook your head to yourself, clearing your mind of those thoughts. It’s different now, you reminded yourself. That was before. He doesn’t remember that, so neither should you. You can handle being in that penthouse for a weekend. Nothing to get yourself worked up over.

A few minutes later, Saeyoung comes bouncing back in the room, heading straight for you. “Jumin said that it would be ‘his pleasure to host you for the weekend’, so you’re good to go!” He launched himself at you for a hug, and you reached out to hug him back, laughing at his poorly imitated Jumin voice.

It’s just one weekend – two days. You can handle it. You’re a big girl.  You got this.

 

* * *

 Saying goodbye to Saeyoung at the airport that morning was surprisingly emotional. Rationally, you knew his time away was brief – and necessary – but you didn’t like being away from him, and dammit, you were going to miss that crazy fool. You felt your vision blur with tears as you gave him a hard hug, only stopping when he pulls you back to stare into your eyes. “Don’t miss me too much, okay?” he says, with a slight smirk on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.  Something is off, but maybe it’s just because this is the longest you two will be apart… well, ever? The moment was quickly over, and after a lingering kiss, you watched as Saeyoung strode into the airport, turning around at the end to give you a little wave and blow you a kiss. That dork. You smile as you get back into the car, thinking about your next stop – Jumin’s penthouse – and feel your heart rate accelerate a bit. “What’s the big deal?”, you mutter to yourself, gathering up some bravado.

You remember what the ‘big deal’ is the minute that you step foot into his penthouse. Jumin was sitting on his couch, reading the newspaper with Elizabeth 3rd cuddled up to him, napping. You were hit hard with the scent that you just associated with “Jumin” – a mixture of Versace cologne, red wine, teakwood, and other manly smells that you couldn’t quite place. Memories come flooding back to you from your time here, hitting you at a rapid rate, making it hard for you to concentrate.

“MC? Are you just going to stand in the doorway all weekend, or would you like to join me?” Jumin asks, his silky voice hinting a smile.

You snap back to yourself, swallowing the lump in your throat and meeting his eyes. “Yes, of course. How are you, Jumin?”

You put a mask in place, one of a friend who definitely does not have a sexual history with him, and continue the cheerful small talk. Surprisingly, the afternoon passes quickly, between catching up with him and doing a little shopping on one of the other levels of the building (with Jumin insisting on paying, of course.) He helped you pick out a gorgeous dress, and insists that you two should have a nice dinner so that you have an excuse to wear it. He makes you laugh easily, and you two get along well enough that you almost convince yourself that a friendship was all that ever passed between you two.

You stand up and gather the two empty bottles of red wine you had split over dinner, feeling pretty good and a bit tipsy, if you’re being honest. Jumin had worn his best suit to compliment your fancy dress, and the chef had made an exquisite dinner, paired wonderfully by some expensive wines that Jumin handpicked. Conversation remained lighthearted and fun, though there were a few moments when you were sure that he was flirting with you. With Jumin, it was hard to tell, but you had learned during your time with him what signs he sends - light grazes on your hand and lower back, lingering eye contact after he dead panned a joke, as if anticipating your reaction, teasing you about your height -  and you were definitely picking up on some of those vibes.

As you padded into the kitchen searching for the recycling bin, lost in your thoughts, giggling to yourself over the idea of Jumin flirting with you, you almost missed the fact that he was suddenly standing behind you, a bit too close for being just friends.

“J-Jumin?” you stutter, spinning around, looking up at him. He slowly leans on the wall, his eyes sparkling, looking at you with a predatory gaze.

“You know, it’s been awhile since I’ve had you here,” he says, lowering his lashes. “I’ve missed the sight of you in beautiful dresses in this place.”

 _What?_ A slight heat starts to work up your body, as confusion washes over you. “What are you talking about?” you chuckle, trying to brush off his words. “I think you had too much wine, crazy.” You try to walk through the doorway and head back to your room. Perhaps it was time for bed.

Jumin’s arm snakes out suddenly, blocking your path. He leans his face down towards yours, dangerously close to your lips. “I’m not crazy. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He leans forward off the wall, his other arm finding his way to your waist. “I remember everything. I remember us, before you left me and chose him. I remember loving you.” His breath was hot on your neck, as his words landed on your skin. “I remember how kissing you right here drove you crazy,” he murmurs, pressing his lips on the curve of your neck. He pushes close to you, continuing the line of kisses, speaking in between.

“I remember the sound of you saying my name while in the throes of pleasure. I remember how it felt to be next to you, inside of you, beside you. I remember how my heart exploded every single time you told me you loved me.”

Your breath hitches, and you slowly pull back from his grasp, tears in your eyes. This is wrong, all wrong, and it can’t be happening, why is this happening? “Jumin, I-“

“You don’t need to explain, I know. I understand. Saeyoung explained everything.” Jumin runs his hand through his hair, taking in a shaky breath. “I get it, I’m not mad at you. But watching you be with him is tearing me up inside, MC. I can’t deal with it anymore.”

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. But, I love Saeyoung, I can’t do this,” you respond, your voice watery and pitched. You go to turn away before the tears start to spill, but you feel Jumin grab your arm before you get too far.

“I know. I know you do, MC. But I also know that you still love me,” he says as he pulls you into his chest, crushing his arms around you. “Which is why Saeyoung and I made a deal.”

A deal? And how does he know how you feel? Your mind starts spinning, and you’re going to need some explanations, and fast. “What in the hell are you talking about?” you ask into his chest, trying to push back to look into those smoky eyes.

“He’s found a way to make it… easier, for me. To help me forget my memories of you,” he replies, looking down at you. “He’s been pushing for me to move forward, to have this ‘treatment’, but I wasn’t ready. I needed more time with you. So we struck a deal. I’ll get the treatment after I get one last weekend with you, no holds barred.” He rubs his hands up and down your shoulders, each touch feeling like electricity. “Saeyoung… it was hard for him, but he agreed. He knew you still had feelings too, and thought this could be closure.”

Saeyoung… that sweet, beautiful, disaster of a man. How did he know any of this? How could he have possibly figured any of this out without you? And this treatment he found. How could he have not told you? Also, HELLO – you were not a bargaining chip! How could any of this be decided without your input? Anger swelled in your gut, but was quickly dissipated the more your thoughts churned. You sigh heavily, looking down at your feet, feeling like you need another bottle of wine to even begin to comprehend this.

Jumin’s hand reached out, lifting your chin until your gaze met his own. “I can tell you’re overthinking this, and I can understand that you have a lot of questions. Saeyoung and I are willing to answer them all, but not until this weekend is over. This is his gift, to me, and I’m not letting it go to waste.” He leans forward, pressing soft lips to your forehead, snaking his arms around your waist to pull you flush against him.  You almost snort at the fact that he was referring to you, a person, as a “gift” when his words interrupted you. “I know how good you can obey me. So, tonight, we’re going to do this my way. ‘No’ is not an acceptable answer.” His hands move off your lower back, traveling down until they cup your ass, hard. A gasp leaves your throat against your own volition.

Oh.

_Oh._

“And what about what I want? What if I don’t want any of this?” you start to say, before you feel those velvet lips at your throat again. An almost imperceptible growl comes from Jumin, as you feel his teeth lightly bite the sensitive skin. “Don’t lie, princess. We both know you want this. I’ll have you screaming my name by the end of the night.”

You shiver at his words, feeling his lips travel up your jaw until they reach your mouth, where he finally presses a hard, fervent kiss. There is so much passion behind the kiss, so much heat, that you feel dizzy from the pure animalistic nature of it. Your mind is clouded with a thousand unanswered questions, but you slowly start to put the pieces together. From Saeyoung’s insistence that you stay with someone for his ‘work weekend away’, the fact Jaehee had a weekend off to begin with… to the suggestion of staying with Jumin, and the sad, unreadable eyes Saeyoung gave you when you said goodbye at the airport this morning… dots were slowly connecting, not that you could fully focus in this moment.

He quickly pulls away from you, and searches your eyes intently, waiting for a sign of a decision. Despite his dominant words (which he knows gets you off), he still wants your permission that this is okay, that you want to do this, too. As much as he wants you, he’d never hurt you or make you do anything you didn’t want.

_Ah, fuck._

Your stare back into his smoky gaze before giving him a slight nod, biting your lip while doing so. You’re not strong enough to say no to this, and you don’t trust words in this moment. He knows your answer by reading your face.

Jumin’s hands cupped your face, and his lips were soon back on yours, his tongue pressing at your lips, demanding entrance. He’s kissing you greedily, with force, taking what he wants and leaving no prisoners. You’re soon off the floor, scooped up in his arms and being carried into the bedroom, his mouth never leaving yours.

He sets you down, and turns you around, using his body to crush you up against the wall chest first. You can feel his chest rise and fall against your back, his hardness pressing into your ass, a tease of what’s to come. He sweeps your hair away from your neck, replacing it with his mouth instead, nipping and biting at the skin harder than before. As you start to breathe heavily, he murmurs softly into your ear. “I trust you remember the rules of the bedroom?” his hands start trailing your silhouette, coming forward and brushing just underneath your breasts.

“Yes,” you breathe, barely able to speak.

As soon as the word leaves your lips, you feel a sharp smack on your ass, hard enough that you yelp in surprise. You’re sure there will be a red mark there once he finally takes this dress off of you.

“Yes, what?” he purrs against your skin, rubbing the spot he just spanked. Electricity dances down your spine.

“Yes, Sir.”

He spins you around until your face to face with him, a smirk on his lips as he takes in your flushed cheeks, your hitched breath and sparkling eyes.

“Good girl,” he says before claiming your mouth once more.


	2. Claimed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which ya'll need Jesus.
> 
> If it wasn't clear from the end of last chapter, here is the smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was asked to continue the sin, so here ya go. I've literally never wrote smut before, so hopefully it lives up to expectations. Also, I only proofread once because I'm up past my bedtime and too lazy to check again, so I'm praying it all makes sense.
> 
> Sin always wins.

“Good girl,” he says before claiming your mouth once more.

His tongue twirls with yours, while his hands snake up to the nape of your neck, tangling themselves in your hair, pulling gently to make a moan spill from your lips.

Without breaking the kiss, you feel his hands travel lower to grasp the zipper of your dress, pulling it down slowly, fingers lightly tracing your spine. You feel the dress start to fall, and pull away from his lips so you can step out of it completely.

His eyes drink you in, looking you up and down, and you feel completely exposed. “Beautiful,” he marveled softly, slowly pushing you back until you fall onto his bed.

You feel his lips latch onto the pulse point in your neck, tongue swirling the sensitive skin, causing you to writhe beneath him. He still remembered your hot spots, clearly. You arched your neck to give him better access, while his fingers ghosted down your collarbone until they reached your chest, lightly tracing your breast, causing goosebumps to trail in his wake.

Your bra is expertly unlatched, exposing your hard nipples, which his fingers quickly find, pulling and pinching and rolling a pattern that has your breath hitching in your throat, heat pooling between your thighs.

 He pulled away to look at you, his fingers rising to press onto the love bite he left on your neck.

You wait for him to continue his work, rubbing your thighs together to help satiate the uncontrollable need for friction, when you hear him snicker darkly to himself.

“Ah, good thing I left that little mark for you. Your other one was fading,” he smirks, finally raising his eyes to meet yours.

Other mark? You knit your eyebrows in confusion, trying to think of what he could be talking about..

..oh.

Realization hit you quickly, your eyes widening as you stared back at Jumin.

Saeyoung. Saeyoung had left that mark on you almost a week ago…

\---

_You walked in from work to the apartment cast in dusky shadows, candles flickering on any spare surface of your shared home. Dinner was on the table – sushi, your favorite – as well as a big, bottle of sake. Saeyoung was wearing a button down with his nicest khakis, a white towel folded over his arm, and he only referred to you as “madame” the whole night, that huge dork, making you giggle. Dinner started off romantic but fell into a silly mess when you two had decided to play you dubbed “the sushi game”, where one person had to close their eyes as the other placed a piece into their mouth, and guess the flavor. Wrong answers equaled shots of sake, and soon you were both giggling with your mouths full, cheeks flushed, lightheaded and happy._

_Somehow, the sushi game turned into a game of shedding your clothes, where you always seemed to lose, even if you knew you had guessed correctly. You still remember the sultry look Saeyoung had given you when you were just down to your bra and panties, like he was going to eat you whole._

_“Enough sushi,” he muttered, picking you up off the chair, your legs instinctually wrapping around his waist as he carried you to the bedroom. “I’ve been a good boy, I think it’s time for dessert...”_

_\---_

Memories of that evening came flooding back, causing your mind, heart, and body to all war with each other. _This is wrong, I shouldn’t be doing this, Oh God, Saeyoung, I’m such a fucking idio-_

“Hey. Look at me, stay with me,” Jumin’s calm voice soothed the buzzing in your ears, interrupting your thoughts. His hand gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Stop overthinking this,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Or am I going to have to punish you?” he whispers, pressing his lips to yours once more before meeting your eyes.

“No, Sir,” you squeak out, your voice tight with arousal.

“Hmm, I disagree,” Jumin grins down at you, waiting for your reaction.

Before you can protest, you feel his hand slide your panties to the side, his fingers suddenly running through your wet folds, feeling how excited for his punishment you really are.

Two of Jumin’s long, strong fingers suddenly slam into you, causing you to gasp loudly and arch your back, the overwhelming sensation making you dizzy. He expertly curls and curves his fingers inside you, knowing every button to press, every stroke that will cause you to crumble at his feet.

He picks up his pace, his thumb finding the bundle of nerves at the top of your sex, hitting them in time with his ministrations. You moan loudly, not caring how desperate and hungry you sound, hoping it unravels him as much as it’s unraveling you.

You feel your orgasm quickly building, surprised at how little it took to get you so worked up. Jumin did always know how to please you, after spending hours memorizing your body, learning the ways to make you jump and whine and scream his name.

Just as quick as they had entered you, his fingers left, and you felt a cold rush at the lack of sensation. A low whine left your lips before you could stop it, causing Jumin to smirk wickedly.

“Look at me,” his voice commanding, your body responding to him without a second thought. Your eyes meet his dark silvery ones, your blush creeping up your body as you watch him bring his fingers to his lips, sucking them gently into his mouth.

“Mmm, delicious, as always,” he sighs, pulling them out with a lewd pop, as he continues to stare at your naked form, still shuddering slightly beneath him.

You can’t stand the scrutiny, and move to do something, anything, to get him to touch you again. Your hands grasp his shoulders, nails digging in hard, trying to bring him down to your lips. When he resists with a small smile, you try another tactic, ghosting your hands down his chiseled form, reaching in front of you to palm his hard length through his pants.

A moan escapes his lips, and you think that is the best sound you’ve ever heard. You smile to yourself, thinking you have him, when a strong grasp pulls your wrist away from him, pinning it above your head.

“Tsk, tsk, kitten. So naughty tonight. I thought you said you remembered the rules?”

You ready a sarcastic response, which dies quickly in your throat when he grabs your other wrist and pulls it up, holding both of your arms with one strong hand.

“No touching,” he orders, as he moves his hand back down your body to your dripping cunt, forming lazy circles around your clit. “Or, I’ll be forced to tie you up.”

Your body involuntarily shivers, again, recalling all the other times this dark, beautiful man tied you to his bed and did what he wanted to you, over and over again, until you lost consciousness…

“Maybe that’s what I want,” you say boldly, finally finding your voice, before his increase in pressure turns you into a mess of moans.

“Well then, who am I to deny the princess?” he smirks, pressing his lips into your throat before his hand leaves you once again, this time to pull your wrists into the waiting restraint at the head of the bed.

So, he really was expecting this, wasn’t he?

His lips sucking your nipple into his mouth pulls you out of your own head and back into the moment. He sucks it hard, swirling his tongue around before pulling it between his teeth, as you wiggle and gasp beneath his touch, not sure if you’re trying to push your body into his mouth or pull away from the sensation.

His lips trail lower, leaving wet marks and bruises in their wake, until he finally reaches his destination between your legs.

You yelp as you feel his warm tongue parting you, lapping up your juices, tongue swirling all around you, inside you. Your eyes roll back into your head, the previous orgasm denial making the current passion he’s impressing into your body too much, too much, oh _God_ …

“Jumin,” you moan, wrists pulling against the restraints, wishing they could tangle into that mess of dark hair, “Please, Jumin!” your words are breathy and fervent and deseprate, and fuck, you don’t care, you just need to come, need him inside you, need _him_ …

A strong hand grabs your throat, pressing gently, a not so subtle warning of the potential strength he could be unleashing.

“I should punish you for not addressing me properly,” he whispers seductively in your folds, your breath hitching at the feel of warm air on your most sensitive skin. “But, fuck, I missed hearing you moan my name.”

He sucks your clit into his mouth before you can speak, causing you to arch wildly off the bed, your restraints preventing you from the contact you crave. He continues to suck gently, alternating with wide licks of his tongue, bringing you to the brink of coming undone.

The minute his fingers find your entrance, you know you’re done for, your walls clamping down eagerly, heat building even more in your core, threatening to spill over any second.

“Jumin, _Sir,_ please let me come, please, please...” you continue to beg, your words falling into an incoherent mess as the pleasure completely takes you over.

“Come for me, kitten,”

You finally let go, letting white hot pleasure boil over, your body stiffening and relaxing repeatedly around his fingers, under the gentle pressure of his tongue. You come, hard, moaning his name like a prayer, his fingers never stopping as they pull you through your orgasm.

He gives you a few more gentle strokes before pulling out, causing you to squirm at the loss of him inside you. He climbs up your body once more, crashing his lips into yours, his tongue pressing into your mouth with crushing intensity and heat. You moan slightly, drinking in the intoxicating taste of your arousal mixed with the flavor that you have always associated with Jumin.

“God, I want you,” he pants, his hands removing his clothes as fast as they can, returning to your skin as if pulling away from you causes him physical pain.

You feel his hard tip line up with your entrance, sliding between your wet folds, teasing you with what’s to come. You try to wiggle your hips to get him in the right position, which earns you a firm grasp on your hipbone, finger tips digging into the delicate skin to hold you still for him. You curse the restraints on your wrists for the hundredth time, wishing you could just grab him and force him inside you.

As if reading your thoughts, he slams his full length into you without warning, sheathing himself completely, causing you to gasp with the mixture of pleasure and pain. _Fuck,_ you forgot how big he was. He grunts, rutting himself against you without pulling away, enjoying the enveloping heat your body provides to him.

His mouth bites your collarbone as he starts a punishing pace, causing you to wrap your legs around his hips, mewling repeatedly like a kitten in heat. You don’t care how you sound, or how you look – all you know is you need this, need him inside of you, need him to move faster. His hand returns to your throat, pressing just enough to leave you breathless, for your vision to start dancing with stars as your eyes roll back, your body becoming just one overwhelming, uncontrollable need for release.

His hand leaves your throat and starts fooling with your restraints while he continues to piston in and out of you, never losing his stride. You feel your wrists weakly fall beside you, before instinct kicks in and you wrap them around his neck, fingers digging into the hair at the nape of his neck.

You shriek as he rolls you suddenly, pulling you on top of him. You readjust yourself, palms pressing into his hard chest, as you instinctively start to ride his hard length, swiveling your hips so that he hits that one spot inside you that causes stars to appear once again, your thighs shaking in anticipation.

“You are such a good little slut,” his deep voice rattles beneath your hands, his praise making your hips pick up their pace and your head to fall back as a throaty moan leaves your mouth.

“And so damn beautiful,” he murmurs quietly, fingers pressing into your hips, as he starts raising his own to meet yours, matching your pace in a brutal clash of flesh.

The heat starts to build again, faster this time, unruly and violent, filling your veins until you’re sure you’re blushing all over.

“Jumin, I’m c-coming, oh God,” you start, forgetting what you were going to say the minute his mouth clasps over your nipple, hips pounding into you relentlessly.

“Me too,” you hear him say, somewhere in the distance, as your orgasm forcefully takes your body, your hips frantically slamming into his, your cries of bliss filling the room. You vaguely feel him tighten underneath you as he finally comes, your name moaned into your chest over and over. His pace slows before stopping, your body collapsing on top of his, face cradled into his neck.

You’re not sure how long you lie there, trying to reorganize your breath, trying to come back down to earth. You feel your heartbeat start to slow to a normal rate, matching that of Jumin’s thumping beneath your hand.

He sighs contently, gently sliding you off of him and onto the bed beside him. You’re half asleep but you whine anyway at the loss of contact, not ready to be abandoned while you’re floating down from the clouds. Jumin chuckles lightly, stroking the hair out of your face before you hear footsteps head into the master bathroom.

You’re gently awoken from your slumber a few moments later when you feel a washcloth between your thighs, Jumin delicately cleaning you up, before he tucks you into the warm blankets. He quickly joins you, and this time you let out a little sigh as you settle yourself onto his chest, tangling your legs with his.

 _So many questions_ , you think to yourself, unconsciousness taking over, before your exhaustion lulls you softly into sleep.


	3. Breakfast Confessional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you demand answers. And mimosas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than expected, I'm sorry! I actually wrote like double the amount and was originally going to place it all in one chapter, but it was too much and I didn't like how it flowed, so I broke it up a bit.
> 
> In good news, that means that half of the next chapter is already written and shouldn't take so long to update! 
> 
> Well, ideally.
> 
> Thanks again for all the kudos, comments, love, and FAN ART. You guys are all amazing and it continually blows my mind that people want to read the crap I write. I seriously can't thank y'all enough, it really motivates me to keep going <3

You’re not sure what woke you up first – the bright light streaming through the penthouse windows, or the faint smell of something, well, _burning._

You stretch languidly, feeling every sore muscle and bruise from last night's escapades. You wince as you feel how stiff you are, clearly you should’ve done some stretches or something prior to engaging with Jumin Han.

_Jumin._

A weird mixture of déjà vu and guilt washes over you as think back on last night. Being with him had been familiar, easy, like picking up a book after leaving it for a few months and being enraptured right back into the plot. _A super sexy, sensual plot, that is_. It was good to know you weren't misremembering your sexual chemistry - he certainly knew how to make your body sing for him.

And Saeyoung.

Jumin said that this was an agreement of sorts, that Saeyoung was okay with everything, but you hadn’t talked to him since dropping him off at the airport yesterday. Knowing Jumin, there is no way his morals would’ve let him lie to you to get you into this mess. He's known for getting what he wants, but Jumin valued trust, loyalty and honesty above all else, and that’s something you witnessed yourself during your brief time together.

 But logic doesn’t always work when it comes to your anxieties, unfortunately.

Shaking the last bit of sleep out of your bones, you finally crawl out of bed and head into the bathroom. After glaring at the birds nest on your head and constellation of bruises and love bites down your body, you decide a quick hot shower would do both your mind and body good.

* * *

 

Stealing one of your favorite button downs of Jumin's, you gently towel dried your hair while padding into the kitchen, figuring it was about time to investigate that burning smell permeating the penthouse before the whole place burned down.

 

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty awakens,” Jumin’s deep baritone voice chuckles when he eyes you, a small smile playing on his lips. He’s standing in the kitchen in black silk pajamas, flour lightly dusting his cheekbones and collar, much to your amusement. How he got it there, you’ll never know. His body is relaxed, his smile easy – a view only those close to him got to enjoy. He’s above the stove, babysitting what looks like 3 strawberry pancakes the size of your face that need to be flipped.

Your heart slightly squeezes at the familiar sight, but you can’t help but smile. He always did love making you strawberry pancakes after a particularly, ah, _rousing_ night together.

“Mm, that’s an awful lot of teasing from a man who is currently burning pancakes,” you retort, smirking back at him.

“How do you know they’re burning?”

“You are nothing if not predictable, Mr. Han,” you tease, raising your eyebrows. “Also, the smell.”

He laughs then, full and hearty, and you feel your heart twist again.

_God, he is so damn handsome._

_How could I have ever hurt him?_

As if sensing your inner turmoil, Jumin quickly flips the pancakes before wordlessly reaching out for you, eyes full of love. You step into his embrace, head tucking under his chin as he hugged you tight.

You let his scent and gentle heartbeat calm you, closing your eyes as a slight sigh leaves your lips.

You feel his chest rumble against your cheek before you hear his words. “Come sit, love. Breakfast is ready.”

Walking to the table, you notice the full spread he has laid out for you; in addition to the slightly crispy strawberry pancakes, there’s an array of colorful fruits, some bacon, English muffins, and freshly squeezed orange juice. There are two champagne flutes sitting next to a chilled bottle of the finest champagne, waiting to be popped and poured. _Ha, so he remembered your love of mimosas._ What could you say, you were a fan of alcohol for breakfast. At least mimosas were socially acceptable and somewhat classy.

He insisted you sat while he served you, filling up your plate with more food than you could fathom, let alone actually eat in one sitting. Only once your mimosa was filled to the brim did he take his seat, loading his plate with whatever was left.

Breakfast was shared in a comfortable silence, the slight awkwardness that hung in the air dissipating with each passing minute. However, without conversation to distract you, your thoughts went back to your previous musings, all of last night’s questions flooding back to you and swirling in your mind.

You must have had it written all over your face, because Jumin took notice.

“If you keep making that face, princess, it might stay that way,” Jumin said, a hint of laughter in his voice. You rolled your eyes at his cheesy joke, opening your mouth to return a snide remark when he started speaking again.

 “I know you well enough to know that you won’t be able to enjoy yourself if you don’t share what’s on your mind. I am still hoping you’ll abide by my previous request to save most of your questions for the end of the weekend, however, I am willing to answer one question for you. To the best of my ability, of course.”

_Ah, always the business man._

“Of course,” you responded, straightening in your seat, nodding seriously. Now it was Jumin’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Ask, kitten,” he said darkly, using his domineering tone, the one that sent shivers straight down your spine…

“Um, ah, well,” damn him for being so sexy and distracting. Now you sound like a bumbling idiot.

“I guess if I had to pick one question, it would be…. How long did you know? I mean, about me… about us… our past? When did you figure it out?” you made yourself meet his gaze, forced your breathing to be even, despite the fact your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest.

Jumin raked a hand through his midnight strands, taking a deep breath, shifting in his seat. “I should’ve known you’d pick the more complicated question,” he murmured quietly, mostly to himself.

“That’s… a bit hard to answer. I should probably start at the beginning.” He stood then, grabbing his mimosa and motioning for you to follow him to the loveseat.

You downed the rest of your drink before following, plopping yourself down beside him. You slid your legs across his lap, snuggling into his side, face pressed into his chest. Once he was sure you were adequately cuddled against him, he continued his story.

“I didn’t recognize you, at first. When you first showed up in the RFA app, I had no idea who you were. As I’m sure you recall, I was skeptical of who you were at first, but willing to go along with things since you were willing to help us with the party.

However, after chatting with you a few times, I kept getting this weird sense of déjà vu – like I had been through these motions before. I started investigating you outside of our conversations. I just couldn’t shake that we had met before, even briefly,” his hand on your shoulder started tracing light patterns into your skin, sending goosebumps down your arm.

“I had Assistant Kang see if you had ever been involved with C&R in some capacity – whether it was for work, charity, interning, a potential client. She was confused, and highly irritated by my musings, but after some time told me that you had never been affiliated with C&R. Around this time, I started asking some of the other RFA members if they remembered you from somewhere; maybe you went to university with Yoosung, or, for whatever delusional reason, were a fan of Zen’s work,” he grinned then, shaking his head. “I should’ve known better than that.”

You giggled then, raising your head to look at him, widening your eyes in mock surprise. “Wait, you’re not a fan of Zen’s work?” you replied with feigned innocence.

Jumin laughed, pushing your head back down to the spot on his chest, smoothing your hair with his hand. “Hush now, I’m telling a story.”

You hummed noncommittally, nuzzling into him and waiting for his next words.

“I had almost decided to drop it and move on, chocking it up to some strange fluke, when we talked on the phone for the first time. Hearing your voice… it did something to me, caused something to stir - no, break open - inside me. I started having these flashes - pieces of moments of you and I together. I thought they were remnants of a dream I had forgotten, or perhaps I was even guilty of fantasizing about you-“

“You were fantasizing about me? You naughty boy. I am scandalized,” you interrupted in a teasing tone. Sometimes, you just couldn’t help yourself.

“I don’t think you’ve ever been scandalized a day in your life,” he quipped back affectionately, “Now, quit interrupting me. Don’t make me ask you again,” he said the last part against the shell of your ear, causing a shiver to coarse through your body once more.

_Damn him._

“Anyway, I started calling you more and more, just to feel your warmth, and to see what other flashes I could bring to the surface. At this point, I was so frustrated. My body… my heart, my soul, was trying to tell me something, and I was too dense to comprehend, to figure it out. You were becoming closer to Luciel – Saeyoung – and I didn’t know what to do with these emotions that were flooding me. It was obvious you had feelings for him, and so I didn’t know what to do with mine.

"Finally, I decided to go to Saeyoung himself. I figured at minimum, he was a skilled hacker and could tell me if we really had known each other before in some capacity, and at maximum, he could tell me if I was crazy and refer me to the appropriate facilities.

"He listened to me intently, and never once did he judge me or crack any jokes. Instead, he said he would look into it for me, and was very sincere. At the time, I appreciated it, and figured Saeyoung was more mature than I had previously assumed. It wasn’t until later I realized that he probably knew something, and was hiding it from me."

He pauses then to lift up his drink, draining the rest of the contents in one swallow prior to continuing.

“It wasn’t until after…. After you two ran off together, and everything with Mint Eye and Rika happened… Until I met you for what I thought was the first time, face to face, that everything came flooding back to me. When I locked eyes with you and shook your hand, every single moment that we had spent together before hit me like a ton of bricks. Our late night phone calls and texts, you coming to the penthouse, spending those days with me to calm my anxiety. The RFA party we had thrown, the way you looked in the dress I picked for you, so stunning. My proposal… what we did at the penthouse after the proposal. Every single emotion came slamming back into my body, with such a white hot intensity I thought my heart would give out.

It was then that I knew that we had been together. I knew it with every fiber of my being, knew it deep within my bones. I would swear my life on it, give up all of my worldly possessions to prove it. I wasn't crazy. You had been _mine_.”

It wasn’t until a few drops hit your bare legs that you realized you were crying, overwhelmed with the pain in his voice, the guilt curling in your stomach. _You did this to him. You caused him pain. This is your fault, all your fault-_

His next sentence interrupted your destructive thoughts, bringing you back to the moment and the beautiful broken man in front of you.

“That was when I met with Saeyoung, and we struck a deal.”


	4. Just Like the Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing screams "boring couple in love" than a movie marathon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh man, I can't believe I finished this in a timely manner, I'm so impressed with myself. 
> 
> I hope this one isn't too boring for y'all. And there's slightly less angst? Maybe?  
> I have so many ideas running through my head and I'm working hard to make sure everything makes sense. 
> 
> Your comments, kudos, love, etc etc GIVES ME LIFE. Thank you, thank you, thank you. <3

You pulled away then, raising your head until you could meet Jumin’s silvery gaze, trying to convey your emotions plainly on your face.

This man – this man before you just took his bleeding heart and laid it at your feet. You didn’t mean for any of this to happen, and you certainly never wanted to hurt anyone. If you would’ve known…. But now, denial was no longer an option. Yes, you do still have feelings for him – _still love him._ But that also didn’t change that you were deeply in love with someone else. Your mind wanders to the red-headed man that has invaded your heart and soul, burrowing his way in deeply.  _Fuck, I am going to hurt him all over again.  I'm hurting everyone I care about..._

“Jumin, words can’t express how sorry I am for doing that to you. I had no idea…. I never imagined you would remember, or would be in that much _pain_ –“ you choked on the last word, tears silently falling against your will.

He reached out, capturing your face in his warm hands, smoothing away the drops escaping down your cheeks.

“MC, look at me. There is nothing for you to be sorry about. There is no way you could’ve known this would happen, or that it would affect me this way,” he murmured softly, his fingers continuing to softly rub your cheek, his gaze never leaving yours.

You go to speak again, to protest, to tell him he should be mad at you, or yell at you, or _hate you_ , but before you can his fingers slide down to your lips, pressing gently against them.

“No. I won’t hear any more apologies. There is no way any of us could’ve predicted this. I forgive you,” he replies gently but firmly, pulling his finger away only to replace it with his lips.

In comparison to last nights fevered passionate kisses, this kiss was soft, tender, lingering.

You sighed when he pulled away, your forehead pressing to his, debating to yourself if catching your breath was worth it, or if you’d rather continue kissing him until you passed out from lack of oxygen.

At least then, you could turn off your brain. 

“So…” you pulled your face away from him slightly. “How did Saeyoung figure any of this out?” It was the next piece of the puzzle you were the most curious about, if you were honest with yourself.

Jumin glances at you nervously, pulling away to run his hand through his hair again, rubbing the back of his neck slowly. _Ah, this adorable dork._ He didn’t get nervous often, but when he did he had a few tell-tale signs that always gave him away. He’d probably be frustrated to know he was that transparent, but it was only because you had learned the ways his emotions manifested themselves.

“I think I will let Saeyoung explain that part, if you don’t mind. I don’t feel like it’s my story to share with you, I hope you understand,” he finally said, his hands finding their way back to your face.

You nodded your head in agreement, too distracted by his lips to form a response as he brought them down against yours again, moving slowly, pulling away before you could deepen it further. The heat that had started to grow within you bristles when he pulls away, the lust simmering just below the surface.

He sighs contently, hands now roaming through your hair lightly, playing with it in the way that makes you melt. You open your eyes to meet his stare, feeling the rush of pure adoration coming off of him in droves. Your gaze must be full of _want_ , because Jumin smirks darkly, eyes becoming lidded as they follow yours.

“I would love to take you directly back to the bedroom, kitten, and you’re certainly making doing otherwise a challenge for me. However, I had something else planned for our morning,”

With a final swipe of his fingers through your hair, he moves to stand, crossing the room quickly to pull open the entertainment center. Behind the wooden doors are stacks of Blu Rays – all in your favorite titles, of course – as well as the makings for a cozy afternoon of moving watching; popcorn, candy, blankets, more champagne.

He swept his arms in front of the display, presenting it to you in a game show fashion. _This adorable dork knows me so well._

“When thinking of how I wanted to spend my limited time with you this weekend, a comfortable movie day in was one of the first things that came to mind.”

You raised your eyebrows suggestively, playfully biting your bottom lip. “Really? The first thing?”

He laughed then, sterling eyes glistening, full of amusement. “I said _one_ of the first things, princess. I believe my actions last evening proved what the first thing I wanted to do with you really was.”

You felt the blush creeping up your neck, your cheeks turning rosy at his words. “Fair enough,” you muttered, trying to hide how frazzled this man made you feel.

The smile still played around his lips as Jumin picked a movie at random, placing it in the player before moving back to join you once again on the loveseat.

As much as you would rather be doing _other_ things right now, you also couldn’t help but feel a rush of joy that this was the activity he had picked. _Just like before, when you had been together._ Jumin had become infamous in your eyes for his excellent hooky days – you both would call into work, stay in your pajamas all day, and marathon whatever movies or Netflix shows you were currently obsessed with until your eyes were dry and the magnetic attraction between you could no longer be ignored.  The chef would make whatever junk food you’d be craving, and you’d revel in the simple delight of watching Jumin try various ‘commoner’ food for the first time. You’ll never forget his look of astonishment and pure delight when you had finally convinced him to try funnel cake and fried pickles for the first time, the youthful smile as he gobbled them up, crumbs of breading still stuck to his face.

His warmth pressing into your side brought you back down to earth, and you quickly grabbed his face and pressed a fervent kiss to his lips, hoping that your actions could show him what your words were failing to do – how much this all means to you, how much he means to you.

“I’m glad you like it,” he responds simply, pulling you back into his side so you could snuggle up close.

* * *

 

The rest of the morning and early afternoon passed in a hazy glow, snacks and discarded empty bottles of champagne littering the floor in your wake. You had been in the middle of explaining one of the quotes of Mean Girls to Jumin, not hiding the giggle that bubbled out of you when he asked what “buttering your muffin” meant.

Before you could quip back that you'd love to show him, your back was pushed into the couch as Jumin crawled on top of you, his gaze predatory and intense, his hips trapping you in place. You blink up at him in surprise, watching as his tongue flicks out to wet his lips, a heavy sigh leaving them before they curve into a smile.

“I don’t think I can resist you any longer. You are awfully tempting, you know,”

His words settle over you like a seductive blanket, wrapping you in his warmth while simultaneously igniting your own. You reach up to touch his face, dragging your thumb along his jawline.

“Well, it is about time all of those ‘Seduction 101’ classes finally pay off,” you reply with mock seriousness before smiling up at him.

A dark bemused laugh leaves his lips, his eyes crinkling before he suddenly leans down, pressing his lips at the junction between your throat and shoulders. A slight moan leaves your lips unwillingly, causing you to blush – _damn him and his effect on you._

You’re rewarded with another chuckle before you feel words whispered against your pulse point.

“I have another request to make, if I may,”

You hum noncommittedly, too distracted by the sensations coursing through you to come up with a witty response.

“Will you…” he pauses, placing gentle kisses in an invisible line up your neck. You turn your head, giving him more access, your hands coming up to wind into the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Will you let me make love to you, MC?”

You gasp at his words, a question waiting in your eyes when you met his. 

_What is he asking of you?_

_And why is the only thing you can think about right now your bespectacled, red-headed boyfriend?_

 


	5. Evidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many times can your heart be torn in two different directions before it just breaks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww yiss, starting off with a little bit of a flashback. I know that writing about Seven's After Ending has been done numerous times, but it seemed like it would be the perfect moment to tie into the last chapter so I couldn't resist. I hope you guys aren't sick of it (or me) yet.
> 
> In case you weren't sure from the ending of the last chapter, this one also contains some smut. But like, classy smut. Full of love. Obviously. 
> 
> Continued thanks and endless love sent to everyone who reads/puts up my shit, comments, gives kudos, etc. You light my fire, bbs. 
> 
> Songs that I couldn't stop listening to while writing:  
> Hozier - Work Song  
> Zayn & Taylor Swift - I Don't Wanna Live Forever  
> Lana Del Rey - Young & Beautiful

_You smooth your hands over your hair, checking your reflection for the millionth time._

_Why were you so nervous?_

_Oh, because you were about to finally have sex with the guy who you love more than anything in the universe for the first time, who just happens to be an unexperienced, innocent virgin?_

_Oh. Yeah._ **That.**

_There was so much tension, sexual and otherwise, during your car ride to the cabin. Making each other laugh seemed to ease some of it, but Seven's mind was still on overdrive, the clear worry on his face causing your heart to squeeze. You wanted nothing more than for him to know how much you cared, to feel your love for him, to chase away all the darkness in his eyes with your overwhelming light._

_And you knew just the trick._

_The bathroom in the cabin is tiny, but you’ve managed to use the meager amenities to get yourself cleaned up from the journey in. The last thing you want is for you to smell sweaty and have Saeyoung run his hands over leg stubble. So not sexy._

_After a quick shower, you blow dry your hair, mindlessly completing the task while your thoughts traveled elsewhere._

_Would this be good for him? Would he like it? Would he want forever with you even after this? What if you disappoint him? What if he disappoints you?_

_“No,” you accidently murmur out loud, shaking the idea from your head. You love him, and he’s your forever. There’s absolutely no way this can be disappointing, at least not for you._

_You look through your belongings for something at least semi-sexy to wear, not wanting to kill the mood before it starts. You smile when you see that in your hurry, you’ve grabbed one of Saeyoung’s fancy button down shirts – the pine green one he was wearing in that picture Mary Vanderwood the 3 rd had taken. This with a pair of white lacey panties will be perfect._

_With a shaky breath, you open the door, holding your head up high with confidence you didn’t quite feel as you head into the bedroom._

_Saeyoung was sitting on the bed, his back partially turned from the door, face buried in his laptop. His fingers were making quick work of the keys, his eyebrows drawn in a look of expert concentration. He’s so cute when he focuses like this. Watching him in his element, doing something that he’s not only good at – he’s a genius – makes your heart warm and a smile light your face._

_“God Seven?” you say softly, trying to force confidence into your voice._

_“Yes, faithful disciple?” he answers swiftly, eyes never leaving the keys._

_So he was going to make you work for it, huh? You clear your throat, channeling your best sultry voice._

_“I was wondering… if a disciple wanted to worship God Seven, the great defender of justice… what would be the best way to do it?”_

_That got his attention. He turned his head slowly, eyes widening into saucers when he finally saw you and your current attire._

_His gaze took in your form, looking you up and down, starting at your toes and working his way up slowly, his lips parting slightly in awe. You felt your body blush in sync with his scrutiny, turning your cheeks a bright pink when it finally reached your face._

_“Well,” he gulped visibly, quickly recovering with a sanguine smile on his face. “There are many acceptable ways to show your God your undying love. Currently, they all involve you on top of me.”_

_You giggle at that, making your way across the room to straddle his lap, hands reaching for the nape of his neck._

_His hands find your cheeks and bring your face down to his softly, placing a gentle yet sensual kiss on your lips, tasting you fully. Your lips dance together, your tongue meeting his, exploring him tentatively until he pulls away, resting his forehead against yours to catch his breath._

_“Tonight… might be our last night,” he breathes, lifting his golden eyes to meet yours. “Or, we might be able to spend the rest of our lives together.”_

_Your eyes search his, looking for the words he was trying to say, emotion clear on your face. “We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, Saeyoung. We’ll find your brother, and everything and everyone will be okay.” You rub a finger along his jawline, causing him to shudder along with your words._

_“I believe that as well… but, if, by some chance, tonight is our last… I want to do one thing.”_

_His fingers lace with yours, bringing them up to his lips so he could brush them against your knuckles before continuing. “Can I be a bit selfish to you? I want to leave on you evidence… that I existed. I want to hold you tight and love you all night so that you can remember me forever.”_

_Your breath hitches in your throat, tears starting to swim in your vision. God, you love this man so much it makes your heart physically ache._

_You nod your head in response, not trusting your words in that moment. His lips quickly reclaim yours, his tongue pushing into your mouth, searching. Your hands weave into his red curls, pulling him closer to you. You needed him closer to you, surrounding you, under you, inside of you. You need him always, forever._

_This time, you pull away to catch your breath, smirking at his flustered face, his glasses crooked on his nose. You pull them off his face, gently tossing them to the side before your hands return to his hair._

_“You know; I was the one trying to seduce you here. And then you have to go and talk all sexy to me, making me swoon.”_

Yes, there it is, _you think as the light you were searching for grew_ _behind his eyes at your words, love filling his gaze as he stared directly into your soul. You had never felt so connected, so cherished, and you realize that all your previous worries in the bathroom were completely unfounded. He would love tonight no matter what. For some unknown reason, he loves you, unconditionally._

_“MC,” he breathed, voice breaking the silence. You grasped a red curl between your fingers, pulling gently at the silky strand, humming in response._

_“Let me show you how much you mean to me. Let me make love to you.”_

_His mouth crashed against yours once more, this time with more fire and passion, his mouth hungry and needing satiation. His flames combined with yours, intertwining, making the heat in the room unbearable, the need for him swelling in your gut.  It was him, only him, and your galaxies and bodies would sing together, forever, as long as you both lived._

* * *

 

Your mind is still reeling from the memory that had crashed into you when you realize Jumin’s steel gaze is still upon yours, his breath hot on your neck waiting for your answer.

How can you answer him when the last time you were asked this question was with your soul mate?

Jumin’s mouth is back on your neck, working the tender spot that makes your legs weak and your mind dizzy with desire.

“Stay with me, love, no need to answer, no need to think. Just feel. Let me show you.”

His smooth baritone voice quiets the storm in your mind, while his lingering touch fills you with pleasure and brings your body back to the present.

You’re suddenly lifted off the couch, strong arms carrying you bridal style into the bedroom, his mouth finding yours and making a home there. His kisses are filled with emotion, yet the edge to them had since been smoothed, his initial thirst quenched.

He laid you softly on to the bed, stopping to stare at you blushed and breathless on his sheets before he leans down to tower over you, body shadowing yours.

Jumin’s lips find yours again, tongue immediately seeking it's mate, while his fingers made quick work of any barrier between you. Calloused fingers begin to pull at your nipples, rolling and rubbing them hard, causing you to moan into his mouth.

He groans as he pulls away from you, open mouthed kisses trailing down your body until his mouth finds your other nipple, sucking it gently. Mewls spill from you as he continues his work, pausing briefly to switch nipples before he continued his journey down your body.

You gasp when his tongue finds your wet heat, lapping your arousal into his mouth as he moves down your slit. His fingers join his efforts, rubbing the bundle of nerves at your apex, causing you to see stars.

“You taste like heaven,” he whispers softly, his lustful tone causing you to arch into him, begging him with your body to continue.

His tongue continues to explore your core, your moans coming faster, connecting to one another as your pleasure builds. Your need for him fills your senses, love and desire making each movement he’s making against your flesh feel like a prayer.  

Your fingers find his hair, tangling into the inky strands, pulling him into you forcefully.

“Jumin, I need you inside of me, please,” you groan, knowing you were quickly coming undone and wanting him to feel every inch of your love for him in the best way you know how.

He lifts his face from your center, tongue swiping his lips to pull the last traces of your wetness into his mouth.  He crawls on top of you until he’s lined up at your entrance, hands on either side of your head to hover above you.

With one last lingering look into your eyes, he brings his lips down to kiss you once more, tongues swirling as he thrusts forcefully inside of you, making your vision dance with stars before you close your eyes in bliss.

Every time his hips meet yours, his voice is in your ear, whispering sweet and soft praises, words of adoration mingling with your moans and gasps. He moves perfectly inside you, going deeper than you thought possible, filling every single one of your senses with his body, his scent, his love, his name.

Before long you’re coming undone, his thrusts hitting every spot inside you that makes you forget reality, heat coiling and exploding in your gut. His name bursts from you, mixed with moans along with your orgasm, his hard body working you through every second, until you’re left gasping underneath him.

His mouth is back at your ear, pulling the lobe softly between his teeth before sucking. “I love you, MC. I love you, I love y-“

His words are cut off when he reaches the edge, spilling over inside you as he comes, an unintelligible groan causing you to shiver under his touch.

After he finishes he collapses on top of you, panting heavily. You aren’t sure how long you two lay there, unmoving, a sweating heap on top of each other. Limbs are tangled until it’s unclear where he begins and you end.

He nuzzles into your form, face pressing into your chest as his breathing regulates back to its normal state. Your hands absentmindedly reach for his head, dragging your fingers on his scalp, tracing invisible patterns as you match your breathing to his.

You can’t help but to think about how after tomorrow, he will never remember this moment. He won’t remember holding you against him, the way you say his name, the way you showed him your devotion to him in the bedroom, the sounds you make under his ministrations. He will go back to knowing you as a friendly face, a dedicated member of the RFA – but nothing more, nothing less.

And, not for the first time, you wonder how you’re going to be able to continue living life as usual, having all of these memories trapped inside of you with no one to share them with, no one to validate them.

He gets his memories erased, his pain eased; but what about you?

Who’s going to **save you** from the pain of losing _him_?


	6. Wonderwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's so loud in Saeyoung's head with words that he never said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on this chapter being apart of this series, but Saeyoung's voice wouldn't leave my head. While I view him as someone who is confident with himself for the most part, I think it was a long road to get there, and allowing his love to be with someone else - even with his blessing - would still stir up some nasty thoughts.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to La_Saffron for encouraging my angsty thoughts and fueling me with her tears - I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Thanks for all the continued love - you guys are amazing. <3 
> 
> Songs that I couldn't stop listening to while writing:  
> Fleurie - Hurts Like Hell  
> Ryan Adams - Wonderwall (acoustic)  
> Skylar Grey - I Know You  
> Skylar Grey - Words

Saeyoung picks up his phone for the hundredth, thousandth, _millionth_ time. His fingers have a mind of their own, ghosting over your name and picture, trembling with the desire to press “call”. Just to hear your voice, _only for a minute_ , he tells himself, just some reassurance that you’re safe, that you’re okay.

He bites his lip, leg anxiously bouncing against the couch, eyes darting back to his phone. He knows he shouldn’t, he promised he wouldn’t, but his insecurities are screaming and he knows that the one thing that will quiet them is your sweet, soft voice, whispering words of love into his ear.

This was one of the craziest things he has ever done, hands down. Jumin had suggested that he be upfront with you, explain the situation and let you decide, but he knew what your answer would’ve been. He could almost hear your angelic voice, picture the look of concern on your face when you answered. “ _No, Saeyoung. I love you, and that isn’t necessary. It’s okay. I have enough closure.”_

He knew it was bullshit, even if you didn’t. Now that he knew you, studied the different pieces of code that made you whole, he could read you like an open book. You were far too kind, too compassionate, too selfless to ever allow yourself this one thing. You would give up everything to make sure that he was happy.

To make sure you and Jumin both were happy.

Saeyoung lets out a shaky sigh, raking a hand through his unruly fire-tinged curls.  It’s only been two days, but he can’t stop thinking about what has happened, if anything has changed for you. He wouldn’t blame you if it had. In some tiny, recessed corner of his brain, he knew it made sense for you to be with Jumin, to stay by his side forever.

He was wealthy; safe. He never lived a double life, never had to rescue a mentally ill brother that had almost killed his friends, never had to endure the abuse at his mother’s hands. He was _normal._ Well, relatively normal. He was way less fucked up compared to Saeyoung, and you could be happy with someone like that. Hell, you deserved someone like that. Someone better than him.

An empty can of PhD Pepper suddenly cracked into Saeyoung’s forehead, causing him to pull away from his thoughts, scowling at his attacker.

Saeran sat on the couch across from him, a bored expression tinged with annoyance on his face, a book perched open on his lap.

After you had left him at the airport, he watched your silhouette until he saw you fold into the car and pull away, and then he turned around himself, unable to get on the plane. Sure, the trip itself was a ruse to get you into Jumin’s penthouse, but he could’ve easily flown wherever he wished, choosing to spend the weekend distracting himself in some beautiful, foreign land.

However, he knew his demons would be loud this weekend, filling his mind with lies and convoluted stories, and there were only two people in the entire world who knew how to quiet those voices, knew how to keep him at peace.

You, and his baby brother, Saeran.

Saeran lived about 30 minutes away from your shared apartment, which was not too far from the penthouse, and the central location alone eased some of Saeyoung’s irrational fears.

“Stop it, moron,” Saeran sighed, rolling his eyes at Saeyoung’s confused expression.

“Stop convincing yourself you don’t deserve her,” he clarified, straightening himself to stare directly into Saeyoung’s amber irises. “You love her, and for whatever reason, she loves you. Hell, she thinks the sun shines out of your ass. You’re both huge weirdos and you deserve each other, end of story.”

Saeyoung couldn’t help but to chuckle at his brother’s words, brash but true. You did love him, God knows why, but it was his mother’s voice inside his head telling him that he didn’t deserve it, shouldn’t accept it. He had been working hard, both with you and in therapy, to learn that her voice was a lie – that everyone deserved love – but he had good days and bad days.

The day he made the deal with Jumin, it had been a good day. His insecurities were almost non-existent, a light buzzing faintly heard in the back of his mind, barely noticeable. His heart was filled to the seam with love for you, and he was convinced that you needed this; you deserved to have the closure with Jumin. Finding the doctor that performed the procedure was also pure luck, and though he had a 3 month waiting list, digging up a little blackmail on him had been child’s play, and ensured that Jumin could be seen as early as this Monday.

From there, it had all fallen into place.

But now, in the faded glow of Saeran’s living room, the demons were screaming, hurdling every insult they could think of at him, causing him to doubt himself and his choices.

His brother’s words seemed to soothe the voices, placating them enough that they begin to fade once more. Saeyoung looked down at his phone again, immediately greeted with a picture of you, bright with stars dancing in your eyes and smiling so big, his lips pressed to your cheek.

\---

He smiled thinking back to that day, how he had got you to slow dance with him in kitchen after begging for 10 straight minutes, pulling your arms and dragging you behind him. When you complained there was no music, he had quickly fumbled with his phone until a song started playing, which just happened to be one of your favorites.

_You pressed together chest to chest, head tucked under his chin, arms wrapped around his neck. His hands warming the small of your back as you swayed side to side in the dusky light of the kitchen. His eyes were closed, breathing in your scent and memorizing this moment, burning it into his brain so that years from now, he’d be able to recall how soft and warm you had been in his arms. Your small voice woke him from his reverie, light musical sounds falling from your lips as you sang along to the words, the vibration of your voice echoing into his chest._

_“I don’t think that anybody feels the way I do about you now. Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you’re my Wonderwall,”_

_He pulled away from you then, eyes meeting yours, tears blurring his vision. He couldn’t believe how beautiful you were, or that you had the voice of an angel, or how you were his. He pressed his lips against yours, moving them together in time to the music before pulling away, reaching for his phone. Before you could ask what he was doing, he was holding the phone above your heads, camera snapping away as he pressed his lips to your cheek, causing you to laugh in surprise._

_\---_

“The weekend’s almost over, and then you two will go right back to annoying the shit out of me and anyone within a 5 foot radius with your affection and PDA.” Saeran said, his attention quickly going back to the book in his lap, his moment of reassurance over.

Saeyoung nodded his head, swallowing thickly, before he voiced his agreeance. “You’re right,” he laid his phone back on the table before leaning into the couch, stretching his arms over his head. “It’ll all be okay. She’ll understand why it had to happen this way. There’ll be a happy ending for everyone.”

If he was being honest, he knew that in the grand scheme of things, Jumin was getting the shaft in this situation. Not only did he not end up with the princess, but he was also having all memories of her wiped clean, all of their intimate moments together bleached from his mind. He’d go back to knowing her as the party coordinator of the RFA, not knowing what he was missing.

Saeyoung had discovered about the game (on accident, mind you,) but figured he was the only one. He was prepared to take that secret to the grave, never breathing a word of it to anyone in the RFA , until Jumin started asking questions. The minute Jumin confided in Saeyoung that he felt like you two had known each other in some other capacity, he knew he was in trouble. He knew what it meant, because it had also happened to him.

He could vaguely recall meeting you before, quick snippets of memory flashing when interacting with you, alluding to something more. His hacking had revealed nothing, but it didn’t qualm the fire in his gut. By the time you two had started regularly talking on the phone, he knew that he had met you before, but it wasn’t until Saeyoung had come to Rika’s apartment to save you when he realized that he loved you – and that it wasn’t the first time. The minute his lips pressed to yours for your first kiss, he remembered that he had loved you all along - while you were loving the other members of the RFA, he was waiting for his chance; waiting for you to come to him.

And now that he had you, he realized the past didn’t matter – the path you had taken to get to him didn’t matter, because you were going to stay with him, carve a piece of forever out with him.

And while you two had been together for months, he knew that the real forever started tomorrow, after the deal with Jumin was over, after the procedure was complete.

After the ring that had been buried in the back of his closet for months was finally on your finger.

Only then would your **forever together** truly start.


	7. I Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend is over, and it's time to make a decision.
> 
> The question is, will you make the right one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW BOY. This was one long ass chapter. It just kept coming, and it didn't feel right until I touched on each of their thoughts at this point in time.
> 
> I started writing this last week, but ended up with the flu so I was dead to the world for awhile. I hope you all forgive me.
> 
> Thanks for putting yourselves through this hell right along with me. You guys are seriously the best, and every message from y'all makes my day. <3 Feel free to follow/befriend me on tumblr, I'd love to get to know you all! I'm illneverrecover on there.

You’re the first to wake this time, the anxiety like butterfly wings in your stomach rousing you before the early morning glow flashes in your eyes.

Today was the day. Everything would change today, regardless if you were ready or not.

You were, decidedly, not ready.

You pull your arms above your head, stretching with a sigh before you roll over and take in Jumin’s sleeping form.

_God, he’s so handsome._

His mussed midnight strands hang in front of his closed eyes, soft breaths falling from slightly pursed lips, his chest gently rising and falling. He looked completely and totally at peace, even if it was just for that moment.

Before you realized what you were doing, a finger reached out to trace his jaw gently, the need to touch his skin stronger than your desire to let him sleep. His skin was warm and soft, unmarred porcelain except for where the pale purple love bites begin on the thick column of his neck.

You sigh, pulling your hand away, rolling over to get out of bed. Jumin’s penthouse boasted one of the deepest, biggest tubs you have ever laid eyes on, and you couldn’t think of a better way to clear your head then to take a nice long soak.

Before heading to the bathroom, you pause at the nightstand, hesitating briefly before opening the drawer and taking out your forgotten cell phone as quietly as possible, as to not wake sleeping beauty beside you.

You turn it on swiftly as you pad into the bathroom, undressing while it booted up. It was an unspoken agreement that you both would remain disconnected this weekend, not wanting to be distracted during your short time together. Now that the weekend was over, curiosity was taking over and you decided to check the messenger while the tub filled with steamy water.

With the majority of the RFA being off the grid this weekend, the chat room was mostly filled with Yoosung and Zen; the former complaining about school and LOLOL server maintenance, and the latter bragging about his new gig in between posting new selfies he had taken.

Some things never change.

Leaving the chatroom, your eyes are immediately drawn to the fact that you have one unanswered text message, the screen showing the smiling face of your boyfriend in the contact picture as you click it to open.

_I love you so much, MC._

Your heart swells as you read the words, the pressure in your ribcage so intense it makes you catch your breath.

 _I'm hurting everyone I care about,_ you say to yourself, the realization burning its way up your throat.

You set the phone down on the tiled ledge around the tub before turning off the faucet, the deep tub finally filled to the brim with soapy scorching water, just the way you like it. You brace yourself on either side, slowly lowering your body into the heat, a slight moan escaping your lips as you sink into the tub.

You sigh, leaning your head back into the awaiting headrest, eyes closing automatically, your thoughts racing in endless loops.

Another unspoken rule of the weekend was that you were supposed to keep an open mind, and at the end of it all, make a decision. The ultimate decision. Neither man had mentioned this; it was something you knew to be true the minute this little arrangement was explained briefly that first night in Jumin’s kitchen.

You knew Saeyoung well, what could you say. That sweet, dorky, masochist. While he wouldn’t want to give you up, he would also put your happiness first. _Always._ He would rather put himself through the pain of losing you then ever think he was causing you even the slightest discomfort, regardless if that meant you ended up by Jumin’s side and not his own. Having the treatment set in place for Jumin was Saeyoung’s security blanket, to make it seem he knew that you’d return this whole time. But you knew that his insecurities were probably rearing their ugly heads, invading Saeyoung’s brain like a cancer that you usually kept snubbed out for him.

You could practically hear the words he’d be telling himself – the reasons you should choose Jumin instead of him, methodically listing out all of his positive attributes while simultaneously shredding his own ego to pieces. You know he’s come a long way in terms of self-esteem, however, he was still a work in progress, and you were positive this weekend would set him back a bit.

Jumin also said nothing, however one look into his steel gaze would confirm your suspicions. He was hoping that your time together would change everything, that it would lead you back into his arms. Every time he looked at you, touched you, kissed you, moved inside you – you could feel the love pouring out of him, tattooing itself in your skin, the question silent behind his always moving lips.

_Will you stay with me? Will you choose me? Do you love me more?_

A small, selfish part of you didn’t want to choose. Why couldn’t you just keep both of them? You could almost picture the three of you in a relationship, your love for both men all encompassing, your body and soul never left wanting for nothing. Despite how much you would enjoy having two lovers, you knew it would never happen. Saeyoung would be willing – previous conversations between the two of you had revealed that he found the brooding trust fund kid attractive and sexy, and if he thought it’d make you happy, he’d agree to almost anything. However, you knew that his demons would be hard to control, the hateful voices would eventually take over, and his jealousy would become a wild, breathing beast.

Jumin was still learning how to handle emotions – his own and those of others around him – and while he’s been maturing leaps and bounds, he wouldn’t be ready for the type of responsibility a relationship like that would entail. Plus, despite your sneaking suspicions, he’s never confirmed nor denied his sexuality, and it wouldn’t be fair of you to exploit his love by forcing him to figure it out before he was ready.

 _No,_ you told yourself, shaking your head slightly with the words. _I’ve already hurt these men enough, I can’t let my selfish fantasies fuel the pain._

Another heavy sigh left your lips, your bones turning to liquid in the soothing bath. If you were being honest with yourself, you knew what your answer was. The decision was already made, had been made for you.

You knew who your mind returned to time and time again, who your heart continually longed for, even after all this time. Who became the one your soul recognized as its own flesh and blood – who felt like home to you.

You quickly dried your hands with a plush towel, reaching for your phone, knowing what response you were going to send to Saeyoung. Your fingers flied over the screen, typing the words swiftly before pressing send.

This was going to be hard, but with the man you loved by your side, you hoped it would be enough.

* * *

 

Jumin awoke with a slight groan, deciding that if he didn’t open his eyes, then he wouldn’t technically be awake and the weekend wouldn’t already be over. He rolled to his side, arms reaching for your sleeping form, but instead finding nothing but lukewarm mattress.

His eyes flashed open then, filled with alarm. He almost called out for you when he heard the sounds of the bath filling, your soft humming wafting from the bathroom. He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his heart slowing once more. _You were still here. Thank god._

He rose slowly, his muscles screaming at him to return to bed after the marathon work out he had put them through the night before. A smile danced on his lips while recalling last night’s events, the picture of your lithe form writhing and aching for his every touch still freshly burned into his memory.

_Ah, his memory. That was the trouble, wasn’t it?_

Shaking away his not-so-innocent thoughts, he reached for his cell phone, deciding not to delay the inevitable. He scrolled until he found the contact for Saeyoung, clicking on his picture and composing the text quickly.

_We’re both awake. Feel free to come to the penthouse whenever you are ready and available. Please let me know if you would like Driver Kim to pick you up and escort you._

He pressed send, sighing heavily as he raked a hand through his unruly hair, feeling the silky strands sticking in every which direction from last night’s lovemaking. He briefly considered joining you in the bath; the need to get clean being an excellent excuse to feel your soft, naked body pressed against his once more – before he decided against it. You needed time to think, and he was ever the gentleman.

Instead, he decided to remain as hopeful as possible, figuring that if he infused the universe with positive thoughts, then maybe he would be gifted in return.

* * *

 

Saeyoung could’ve sworn he had just closed his eyes when a incessant chirping noise woke him up, startling him so much he almost fell off the couch he’d been sleeping on.

 _Oh, its’ just my phone,_ he realized, shaking his head and the sleepiness off with it. The minute his eyes had opened, the deep rooted anxiety had returned, squelching any desire he had to return to sleep.

Opening the messenger app, he saw that he had two unread text messages, one from Jumin and one from you. Seeing your names together like that, one nestled above the other, caused a pang of electric pain in his heart. Even in this small, impersonal form, his body instinctually hated seeing you two together. He was hoping this wasn’t a sign of his future.

In the end, he couldn’t resist sending you a message last night, even though Saeran had told him it would not only make him a moron, but a “super fucking moron”. He had known you probably wouldn’t read it right away, but he couldn’t slow the thoughts pulsing through his head until he had communicated with you, even in some small way. He had composed the text quickly, deciding that he should get straight to the point. _I love you so much, MC_.  The moment he had pressed send, his breath came to him a bit easier, the strain in his lungs and heart lessened by even the smallest fraction.

He decided to read Jumin’s first, figuring it would have the lesser effect on his heart of the two. He read the message quickly, sitting himself up on the couch in a rush.

You both were awake. It was time for him to go over there, and explain everything.

Time to face reality.

With a shaky breath, he clicked to open the text message from you, steeling himself with confidence he didn’t quite feel. He closed his eyes before he could read the text, taking a small moment to tell himself that no matter your response, no matter what you decided, he would love and support you one hundred percent. He presented you with this situation, allowed Jumin to make this deal, because he truly believed that you deserved to be happy – and that you deserved a chance to figure out your heart.

He finally opened his eyes, peering down at the screen to read your words. His eyes read and reread the message, tears immediately forming pools in his amber gaze. A slight tremor took over his body, his feet moving before he registered the action, arms grabbing his belongings as quickly as possible.

He raced for the door, fingers barely grasping his keys before he was outside, running to his baby car, the candy apple sheen glinting in the morning light. As he started the engine, he realized he hadn’t even said goodbye to Saeran, nor thanked him for his hospitality for the weekend. _Oh well, he’ll forgive me. He’ll understand._

As he sped off in the direction of the penthouse, he couldn’t stop replaying the message in his mind, his brain putting your sweet, delicate voice behind the words you had sent, speaking them to him on repeat.

_I love you too, Saeyoung. Forever. Come take me home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me!!
> 
> By the way - chapter title is named after the song I couldn't get out of my head while writing: I Found by Amber Run.
> 
> \-------  
> Would you have chosen differently? [Jumin's Route](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11706291/chapters/26361399).


	8. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you think you have everything figured out, you realize it was never your choice to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys know that I love you lots and am so grateful that you continue to read!
> 
> (This is my way for buttering you up so you don't hate me.)
> 
> For real though - endless thanks! Reading your comments makes me weak, I love them so much.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, many thanks to omgawkward & La-Saffron for listening to me whine and helping me realize that I've always known how I want this to end. You two are cherub angels too good for this earth <3

You dressed in the bathroom, blow drying your hair quickly while you built up the nerve to re-enter the bedroom.

Worrying your bottom lip with your teeth, you stared at your reflection, forcing yourself to take a deep breath in and release it slowly, calming yourself as much as you could.

 _I can do this,_ you reminded yourself.

You started to head back into the bedroom, only pausing in the doorway when you saw that Jumin was now awake, sitting at the edge of the bed and facing away from you.

He was still shirtless, his lean, muscular back coiling and releasing as he began stretching his arms above his head, yawning slightly. He turned as he heard your approach, gazing at you softly and rewarding you with a full, beaming smile, the kind that reached his eyes and tugged at your heart.

_Oh shit, I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t-_

Jumin’s brows furrowed in confusion at your deer-in-headlights expression, head cocking in an unasked question. Tears immediately welled in your eyes, your feet running towards him as you threw yourself into his lap, burying your head into his chest.

Strong, warm hands smoothed your hair, soft hushing noises accompanying the movement. “Shhh, it’s okay, love. Tell me what’s wrong, we’ll make it okay.” His chest rumbled under your cheek, the adoring tone of his voice making everything clearer and fuzzy all at once.

You pull away, your eyes immediately roaming to look into his silver irises, your throat tightening as you try to choke out the words to explain.

“I know you guys wanted me to make a decision after this weekend, I mean even if you didn’t say it _I knew_ that’s what you were both hoping for, and I thought I could and well, I _did_ , but I can’t stand hurting you and this is all so confu -“

Your rambling was interrupted by another sound – a knock, some shuffling, a door softly clicking closed.

“MC? Jumin?”

Saeyoung’s voice rang out in the penthouse, echoing off the walls and travelling to the bedroom.

You feel your heart drop in your stomach as you slowly pull yourself away from Jumin, who’s still sitting on the bed, looking up at you expectantly.

You reached out for his hand, intertwining his fingers in yours before pulling him gently to his feet. He reaches out to wipe a stray tear, hand pausing at your cheek for a brief moment before dropping back to his side.

“Saeyoung, we’re in here.” Jumin replied, his voice the picture of calm, collected.

How is he not freaking out right now? What is going on in his head?

He steps away, moving to the closet to grab a shirt, and you find yourself wandering in the hall to meet your boyfriend.

Saeyoung stands in the living room, his red curls windblown and sticking in every direction, his clothes wrinkly and obviously slept in. His glasses are crooked on his nose, and his cheeks are blushed a light pink, a soft pant coming from his mouth, like he’s struggling to catch his breath.

_Did he run all the way up here or something?_

His eyes light up when they see you, a thousand questions and answers in his gaze as he tentatively raises his arms out, reaching for you, silently begging for you to come to him.

For a second time this morning, your body moves of it’s own will, racing into Saeyoung’s awaiting arms, folding yourself into his warm embrace. His scent hits you first; a mixture of his cologne which reminded you of the night sky in the middle of summer, and the subtle sweetness of his favorite snack. _Smells like home._ You feel his chest rise and fall with his ragged breaths, his lips pressing a kiss to your crown.

You pull away slowly, searching his amber gaze, trying to convey your thoughts and emotions with your expression, your words spilling from your lips incoherently.

“Saeyoung, I missed you. Holy shit, I missed you. But I think my heart is going to explode and it-“

This time, Jumin’s smooth baritone interrupted your confession.

“Hello, Saeyoung. I hope you had a relaxing weekend. Please, both of you, join me on the couch,” his arms sweep to gesture towards the living room, his posture relaxed but formal.

Saeyoung moves before you, pulling away to plop on the couch heavily, bouncing slightly before settling. You turn to look at Jumin and he returns your stare with a soft smirk, a mysterious glint in his eyes.

_What is he thinking? Why do I get the feeling there’s something he’s not telling me?_

Jumin’s hand sneaks out to rest on the small of your back, guiding you towards the couch as he follows close behind. You sit down next to Saeyoung, curling your legs underneath you as Jumin moves to sit in the recliner facing you both. He sits back comfortably, his left leg raising to cross the other at the knee, hands clasped in his lap, an unreadable smirk never leaving his face.

He clears his throat before he begins speaking.

“So, I believe we have a lot to discuss today. Firstly, MC had some questions for Saeyoung to answer, so I will let her proceed.”

Oh, _right._ You did have questions about how this whole weekend transpired, didn’t you. It seemed so long ago when that was the primary concern in your mind. _How did they find out? What does this mean? How long did he know?_ Now those thoughts were the furthest things from you mind, the insignificance of your curiosity laughable in your current situation.

Saeyoung’s hand clasps yours, your intertwined fingers coming to rest in your lap. You can’t help but smile when your eyes meet his, the warmth of his gaze causing you to flush from your toes to your cheeks.

“Your wish is my command, babe. Ask me anything,” Saeyoung starts bouncing his leg nervously, waiting for you to speak.

You swallow thickly around the lump in your throat, chewing on your bottom lip. “Well, the first thing would be how did you find out? I mean, about what was going on with me – the game? How long did you know?”

Saeyoung’s eyes flicked from yours to Jumin, before return back to settle on you. “I’m assuming that Jumin explained how he, ah, ‘remembered’ you?” A slight blush reddens Saeyoung’s cheeks, the color threatening to match his hair.

 _Ah, he is so damn cute._ You nod your head in response, running your thumb on the back of his hand in soothing circles.

“Well, my experience was similar to his. The more I interacted with you, the more I would remember. Except for me, it happened five different times,“ he paused for a moment, searching for his next words. His eyes met yours once more.

“I’d slowly gain moments back, until all of a sudden they’d be gone, and then we’d be at the beginning again. When you finally came to me, it started happening again, only more intensely. Every time we’d talk on the phone, your voice would take me back to a time we spent together – snippets of the RFA party, different phone conversations, promises of marriage in the space station,” he beamed then, his smile infectious at his own words.

“And then, we kissed. Do you remember our first kiss? It was then that I realized that I had loved you all along, even while you were with the others. That I had been waiting for that exact moment – for you to come to me,” his voice turned soft and insightful towards the end, no hint of negativity in his tone, adoration plain on his features.

He clears his throat again before continuing. “So, I knew for a while, I guess. But I thought I was the only one. No one else showed any signs of remembering anything, and so I figured it was just something I was lucky enough to experience. I never had any plans of mentioning it at all until Jumin came to me asking questions.”

Your eyes flick to the other man in the room, his face unreadable. He smirks when he notices you staring, but doesn’t say anything, silently encouraging you to continue your questioning.

A feather light touch pulls your gaze back to Saeyoung, his fingers slipping to your cheek as you turn to face him.

“I hope you know that doesn’t matter to me. We all have our pasts. We both know I’m not innocent, either. I am just glad to have known and love you. All I care about is that you’re happy, healthy, and alive.” He traces the contour of your jaw, your eyes closing at the touch, the sensation a trigger for a flood of memories of all the times his fingers have traced that path.

“I know,” you sigh, anxiety slowly seeping from your bones. You didn’t know how much you needed to hear those words until you actually heard them.

You both startle at the sound of Jumin clearing his throat, Saeyoung’s fingers quickly retreating from your face, warmth flooding your cheeks at being caught in such an intimate moment by your other lover.

“Well, if that settles all of your curiosities, MC, I believe we’re ready to move on to the other topic at hand,” Jumin straightens in his seat, his business like tone causing a shift in his demeanor.

Your body turns to focus your attention on him, the flash of movement in your peripherals telling you that Saeyoung was doing the same. You look at him expectantly, your heart in your throat, the squeezing sensation twinging every time you swallowed.

“Which is, where am I getting this treatment today, and when? You know how I feel about tardiness,”

Jumin’s baritone echos in the penthouse, effectively rendering you and your boyfriend speechless.

_Wait, what??_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jumin: *mic drop*


	9. Crawl Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!! Everyone is posting sweet little bonus chapters for Valentine's Day, so I decided to post one as well!
> 
>  
> 
> LOL JK this is full of angst. Sorry, I wanted to write something sweet, but it just didn't fit with the continuation of the story. Don't worry, we have more fluff (and smut, heuheuhe) coming up soon.
> 
> I hope y'all had a great day, and if you didn't, you should know that I love you and are so grateful to have such amazing readers! Thank you for all the love and comments, you give me life. <3

“Which is, where am I getting this treatment today, and when? You know how I feel about tardiness,”

Your mouth falls open at Jumin’s words, the vice grip on your throat tightening and making swallowing become almost impossible. Tears begin to prick your eyes, the stinging sensation causing you to close them tightly, shutting his image out of your sight.

 _Well, what did you expect?_ You’re not sure, but you know it wasn’t this – you couldn’t have predicted this. It’s not like you wanted the two men to fight over you, and if you were being honest with yourself, you know that this makes things easier on everyone involved.

 

_Then why do you feel like screaming?_

You close your mouth, trying choke down your growing emotions long enough to use your words again.

“Jumin, what are you saying? What do you mean?” despite your best efforts, your voice cracks on the last word, the tears silently streaming down your face like a flooded river.

Your broken expression breaks Jumin’s demeanor, and he immediately crosses the room, stopping to kneel in front of you, hand reaching out to grasp the one that isn’t already occupied with Saeyoung’s. You feel the redhead stiffen beside you, his hand squeezing yours a bit tighter than before, and you’re unsure if it’s to help soothe you or to calm himself.

“MC, please, look at me,” Jumin’s request is soft yet commanding, your eyes immediately obeying him.

“I…. I love you. You know I love you. However, just as I know that I love you, and that you still love me…. I also know that you were never meant to be mine forever. I was never meant to keep you,” he whispers, his voice barely audible over the thumping of your heart.

He chuckles lightly, rubbing circles in the back of your hand. “Remember that night before you two went after Saeran, when Zen called you with Yoosung, and they were inebriated? What did you tell me Yoosung said that night?” he pauses for a moment, recalling the conversation. “Ah, I believe it was after Zen arrogantly called you his princess, and Yoosung said ‘Saeyoung has the princess’,”

You nod your head, remembering the exact conversation Jumin was referencing. You had found it funny at the time, Yoosung’s drunk voice whiney and dragging out each vowel, Zen’s exasperation clear at having to take care of the younger man. However, you weren’t sure what point he was trying to make with this story.

You go to say exactly that, your question posed at the edge of your lips, ready to spill over, when Jumin interrupts you.

“He may have been intoxicated, but he was exactly right. Saeyoung has the princess. He has always had the princess,” his smile turns watery then, his expression bittersweet as he continues to stare into your soul.

“I’ve known that for quite some time. You say that we both wanted you to make you a choice this weekend, and maybe deep down, we did. But, in my heart, I always knew what your choice would be. I had prepared myself for that.”

Your eyes clench shut, hot tears spill down your face faster now, the pain in your heart too strong for you to trust yourself just then. Why do you keep hurting this man? Why do you keep hurting everyone you love? Neither of them deserve this, and you don’t deserve either of them. This was all too much, and you start chastising yourself for being weak.

If you were stronger, you would’ve said no to this weekend and to this arrangement. You would’ve left that first day, knowing that more time together would just cause more confusion, more pain. You could’ve spared Jumin, and instead you thought of only what you wanted, your lust, your desires.

“Saeyoung, I want to thank you for your cooperation and generosity in allowing me to spend this weekend with her. You are a good man with impeccable character, and I can’t express how grateful I am that you gave me these last moments with MC.”

You open your eyes to see Jumin turned towards Saeyoung, his shining eyes matching his genuine smile.

Saeyoung coughs beside you, clearing his throat before answering. “Y-you’re welcome, Jumin. I meant what I said when I said I would do anything for her,” he flusters at first, his voice becoming more firm as he finishes his sentence.

Jumin nods, a silent agreement, before he turns to face you again.

“This was my choice too, MC. Please don’t burden yourself with blame. I requested this time together, this weekend with you. I chose this as the best way I could imagine to say goodbye.”

Your eyes flash, a realization hitting you quickly, one you failed to think of before. “But this treatment – Jumin, you don’t have to do this treatment if you don’t want to. I don’t care if you remember, and I know Saeyoung would understand, too,” you feel your boyfriend shift beside you, his head nodding in your peripherals. You turn to face him then, hoping to explain your reasoning with one look, when you’re met with an understanding gaze. He knows what you’re thinking, and he supports your decision in this.

“Ah, well, the treatment is my way of being selfish,” Jumin answers, pulling your attention back to him. He rises from his kneeling position, moving to join you on the couch, causing you to scoot closer to Saeyoung to make room for him on your other side. His right hand quickly rejoins yours, the other reaching behind his neck to rub it slightly.

“It would be hard for me to continue living my life as usual with those memories. Every day would be a battle to not obsess about you and our time together, and that isn’t fair to either one of us. Don’t get me wrong, I have no regrets regarding us, but I think it would be easier for me to focus, as well as for you and Saeyoung to move forward in your lives together, if I have the treatment.”

After all of the selfish, self-serving things you’ve done, you can understand his reasoning behind this decision. The least you can do is allow him this one small thing, and you know in your soul that if it gave him even one ounce of comfort and peace, it would be worth it tenfold.

Logic doesn’t stop your heart from being ripped into shreds, however.

The thick silence in the room makes you realize that Jumin is looking at you expectedly, wanting you to say something in response to his wish. You let go of his hand briefly to wipe your face, a shaky breath whooshing from your lungs.

“If that’s what you want, Jumin, then I support you completely,” you squeak, your voice ripe with tears and strain from choking back sobs. “But I’d like to go with you, if you’d let me.”

You expect to hear Jumin reply, but instead the voice of your other lover is the first to respond, startling you. “I-uh, well, actually, I think that’s a bad idea, MC,” he stutters, flustered in denying your request.

Jumin steps in then, saving him the explaining. “Saeyoung is right. The idea behind this treatment, if I recall correctly, is to use hypnotism alongside medications with amnesia inducing properties to effectively ‘erase’ certain memories. If the source of those memories is nearby, I think it’ll make the process more difficult,” he says not unkindly, his tone placating you.

The irony of the fact that he’s trying to comfort you in this situation is not lost on you.

“Oh, well, then I understand,” you sigh, your head suddenly feeling like it’s filled with bricks, your vision still swimming.

“I’d like to you go with you, since MC can’t,” you hear Saeyoung say, his voice quiet. Your heart swells at this small gesture, another piece of proof added to the pile of evidence that shows you do not deserve that man, or either man, for that matter.

“Your appointment is scheduled for 3 pm, however, I can have him clear his entire schedule with one text message,” he smirks, a trace of his usual self flickering in his expression like a ghost.

“That won’t be necessary, Saeyoung. 3 pm should be just fine. I will have Driver Kim pick you up on our way,” Jumin replies swiftly.

The reminder of what Jumin was going to do today, _because of you_ , causes your body to slump towards him, your hand pulling from Saeyoung’s to grasp Jumin around his waist. Your face presses into his chest, and you inhale deeply, trying to imprint his scent to your soul, not wanting to forget a single thing.

Saeyoung lets your hand slip from his before awkwardly stretching and standing beside the couch. He rubs the back of his neck, his sheepish look matching the blush in his cheeks.

“I’ll, uh, go gather your things, give you guys a moment alone. I’ll be waiting right outside the penthouse doors, MC," he says quickly before he rushes out of the room, presumably to grab your overnight bag.

Jumin releases a shaky breath the moment you’re alone, not realizing that he was even holding it in. His hands reach behind your back, tracing indescribable patterns into your flesh, causing you to shiver.

You’re not sure how long you stay like that, pressed into his body, breathing each other in. You knew the minute you pulled away, reality would come crashing down. The reasonable part of your brain, now tiny and cowering to your raging emotions, reminded you that you aren’t losing him permanently – he will still be in your life, you will still get to see and talk to him.  You will still be friends, and it’s more than you deserve. You should be counting your blessings, praising the Gods above that you even get to keep him in your life, regardless of the capacity.

However, your hearts voice was currently screaming, a hurricane contained by your rib cage, and it was telling you that you are facing certain despair; that you are being pulled apart.

Jumin pulls away first, his hands sliding to your cheeks, cupping your face towards his own. His lips place a chaste, loving kiss to yours, lingering for several breaths before pulling away.

“Thank you for everything, love. I may not be able to remember this weekend, but my soul will always recognize the kindness and love you’ve bestowed on me,” he murmurs, his fingers feather light as they pull away from your face.

He moves to stand, gentle arms pulling you on to your feet, his hand on the small of your back as he guides you to the door.

His hand reaches for the handle, about to grasp it before you grab his wrist, pulling him to you for one more embrace. With your face firmly planted into his chest, you take a final deep breath before telling him the words that you’ve neglected to all weekend, the desire to say them so strong that it burns your throat with raw need.

“I love you, Jumin,”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything after your confession, and for a minute you’re worried that he didn’t hear you. Before you go to say the words again, you feel his arms squeeze tighter, trembling slightly as he presses you to his body closer.

“I love you too, MC.”

He pulls away quickly then, the door open and your eyes meeting your boyfriend’s golden ones before you even had a chance to breathe. Your feet move of their own accord, Saeyoung’s outstretched hand and loving smile calling to you like a siren song.

It’s not until after you travel home, after the winding car ride back to your apartment, when you’re standing in your living room with your boyfriends empathetic and knowing gaze burning holes in you that you finally, with a collapse of your limbs, allow yourself to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok i'd be lying if I said I wasn't sobbing rn


	10. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something about pain that always makes you think it goes hand in hand with pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, sorry that I posted this later than I normally would!! I had carpal tunnel surgery on both of my wrists Friday, and was out of commission for a bit. They still hurt, but I took enough pain medicine that I am typing like a mad woman again.
> 
> I hope this chapter isn't too sloppy and doesn't suck (see aforementioned pain medicine reference). Things are getting steamy in the Choi household. Don't worry, we'll be visiting Jumin again next chapter. We're getting towards the end of this story, I think!
> 
> Thanks again for putting up with me and reading all of this, my love for you all burns with the intensity of a thousand suns! <3

You aren’t sure how long you stay collapsed in that spot, the air surrounding you seeming to get thicker by the second, sucking all the oxygen out of the room. Too many emotions were flooding your system, and you weren’t sure which one was causing the paralysis in your limbs, or the strangled noises to leave your throat.

You hurt him. Someone you love - you hurt him and he was going to forget all about you because the pain was too much. It was all too much, _all your fault, too much._

The only thing you know is that you couldn't stop the sobs even if you tried.

Warm arms snaked around your form, lifting you like you weighed nothing, your face immediately seeking the familiar safety of Saeyoung’s chest.

Seeing you this way was breaking him apart. Saeyoung didn’t know what he was expecting; he knew that this would be difficult for you, but picturing the pain as a hypothetical _what if_ and seeing it bared before him, raw and aching, was a completely different story.

He lays you into your shared bed, the room darkened by the blinds still shutting out the morning sun. Shaky hands remove your shoes and jacket, before pulling you back into his strong arms, a blanket settling over you in one fluid motion.

This isn’t the first time you’ve cried like this, but this is the first time you’ve allowed someone else to see you so vulnerable. Your pain is a force of nature; a thunderstorm ravaging your body and leaving destruction in it's path. Saeyoung is your rock in the storm; holding you tight, smoothing your hair back from your face, softly cooing soothing words into your ear while you sob over another man. He never waivers, never makes you feel guilty for your emotions, and instead remains your life line; the only thing keeping you from allowing yourself to drown in your grief.

Saeyoung only stops his movements once he feels you still in his arms, your sobs no longer causing your body to shake, your breathing slowing to soft whispers. You had cried yourself to sleep, finally. He wasn’t sure how long you had been crying, but every second felt like centuries to him when you were hurting. He watched in awe as the pain eased off your face, your muscles relaxing into a picturesque calm as you fell into a deep sleep.

He couldn’t help but let his mind wander, guilt of his own bubbling to the surface now that you weren’t able to witness it. How could something causing you this much pain be the right choice? He was selfish. Fuck, he was so, so selfish.

He sighed deeply as you cuddled into his chest closer, pressing your head below his jaw. He rested his head on top of yours, closing his eyes as he tried to calm his own storm and join you in a nap. Maybe a little sleep is just what you both needed to face reality with clear eyes.

There were so many things Saeyoung wanted to tell you – how he wasn’t fully honest in his explanation of things, how while he forgot most of your time with the other RFA members, he still remembers bits and pieces that haunt him. How he almost gave up on his love for you when you were with Jumin, because he could tell you were truly in love with the stoic corporate heir. He cringes remembering that late night phone call, when he finally broke and sobbed to you about how he knew you didn’t care about him, only Jumin. How he knew he was pathetic and didn’t deserve happiness. You did spend the most time with him before resetting – way more than with the others - but the minute you did, Saeyoung knew you were finally coming to him, and his world made sense again.

You came to him, and then he acted like a total fucking moron. Pushing you away, shutting you out, trying to convince himself that he didn’t have feelings for you, that he was too dangerous. He blamed the stupid game for taking his mind at first, for making him think that he even had a say in things. But once his memories came rushing back, he realized that his fate had been bound with yours long before he saved you in that apartment.

 _Everything will be okay_ , he reminds himself, his brother’s voice echoing inside his head. Saeyoung slides his glasses off his face, reaching over to lay them on the nightstand, careful not to jostle your sleeping form. His eyes grow heavy with sleep, and he concentrated on matching his breathing to yours, your heartbeat becoming the sweetest lullaby, until he finally joined you in unconsciousness.

* * *

 The first thing you notice is that you’re still pressed into Saeyoung’s chest, his arms crossed against your back, pulling you flush against him. His shirt is damp where your face lies, most likely from the tears and snot from your previous breakdown.

The second thing you notice is his light snoring, soft breaths ruffling your hair and tickling your forehead. _Huh, he's asleep, too_. He must've been exhausted as well - his weekend had to have been just as emotionally draining as yours.

You squeeze your swollen eyes shut, choosing to concentrate on the smell of your boyfriends’ skin, the heat of his body, the gentle thumping of his heart.

_This is home._

The thought bubbled to the forefront of your mind without prompting, your soul reminding yourself of what your brain and heart already knew. The vice around you loosened, and you felt yourself pull in the most solid breath you had taken in hours before releasing it slowly.

This is home. Saeyoung is home.

You wiggled in Saeyoung’s arms until you freed one of your hands, pressing it to his chest so you could feel the wild beating under your palm. Even in rest, you could sense the love pouring out of him, his adoration evident in how he was wrapped around you, cocooning you against his body as if he could physically protect you from the pain with his body. He was your shield, your sword. He would fight all of your battles for you, beside you, whatever you wished.

He would face the world for you if you required it.

You debate about falling back asleep when you realize you have no idea how long you were out for – and that Saeyoung has plans with your other lover in a few hours.

You startle; body jerking and eyes widening while scanning the room for a clock. Your sudden movement wakes Saeyoung, a broken snore ringing in the room before his sleepy golden gaze finds yours.

“What’s wrong, MC?”

“How long have we been sleeping? What time is it? You can’t be late for, ah…um, Jumin’s…“  you let your voice trail off, not sure how to finish your sentence. The look in his amber eyes tells you that he understands anyway.

He fumbles for his wrist, fingers tapping against a watch to illuminate the screen.  “It’s 11:32,” he says sleepily, his arms pulling you back to his chest once more.

“Oh. It felt like it was a lot later,” you respond, your muscles relaxing into the embrace. “I guess you did come get me early.”

Saeyoung pulls away slightly, the need to look into your eyes too strong to ignore. Realistically, he knows you two were only apart for a few days, but now that he has you in his arms again, he would’ve sworn it was a lifetime you had spent away from each other, centuries. Too long.

“Once I saw your text, I came as soon as I could. I would’ve been there sooner, if Saeran would’ve let me,” he chuckles slightly, pulling his arm back to cup your cheek lightly. “If you would’ve needed me. I would’ve run to you in an instant if you had asked me to,” his voice drops to almost a whisper, his eyes pleading with yours.

Your response dies on your lips as his crash on to yours, his mouth moving with yours passionately. He pours his love into that kiss, pressing it into your lips over and over, leaving you breathless. You gasp slightly, his tongue taking that as a personal invitation to delve into your mouth, hungrily claiming yours as his own. 

His fire ignites your own almost immediately, the heat welling in your gut before spilling forth into all of your veins, causing your blood to boil. One of his legs presses in between your thighs as a hand pulls your sweater down, his mouth pulling away from yours to lead a trail down your exposed neck.

As he moves down the slender column, each kiss becomes rougher, sloppier, full of need. His fingers claw into the skin at your hips, tattooing bruising half-moons into the flesh, causing you to groan at the mixture of pleasure and pain.

“MC,”

Saeyoung’s voice is ragged, slick with emotion and laced with lust, the tone demanding of your attention.

Your head lolls back, eyes opening to meet his fire-like gaze.

For a second, you could’ve sworn that you saw steely silver eyes peering back at you, cold as ice, causing you to shiver under their scrutiny.

You blink rapidly, the silver slowly melting away until it becomes molten amber, the heat burning holes into your flesh. You feel your arousal pool between your thighs at his predatory glare, the one that is undeniably Saeyoung. He always had a way to make you feel like the most cherished person on the earth while simultaneously making you want to rip all your clothes off and worship his body with pure, unadulterated lust. 

“God, I love you. I love you so much, MC,” he presses his forehead to your own, panting to catch his breath. The sounds of your breathing and pulse ringing in your ears the only sounds in the room. "I want you so damn bad,"

You feel your own need for him growing, becoming an uncontrollable beast, a thirst that demands to be quenched. This time, you find yourself leaning forward to kiss him deeply, pulling his bottom lip between your own as you bite it hard enough to draw blood.

“I need you, Saeyoung. Right now,”

His pupils blow wide at your words, a blush creeping to his cheeks as a sadistic smirk that you’ve come to love and fear graces his face, causing electricity to zing down your spine.

“Your wish is my command,” he murmurs darkly, before his mouth claims yours once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hohohohoh we getting spicy!!


	11. You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung helps you forget, while Jumin contemplates if he ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeee sorry this took so long!! I got slightly distracted with writing _The Desperation Game_ (which got out of control, slightly, woops) and then life was in the way. But I'm back, baby!
> 
>  
> 
> ~~And I'm here to make you cry~~
> 
>  
> 
> Writing this honestly makes my heart ache, it's such a mixture of love and hurt and loss and it's becoming strangely cathartic, haha. I hope you guys are still enjoying, let me know what you think! <3

His kiss was rough, all gnashing of teeth and bruising lips, but his touch on your skin was tender and light, tracing the contours of your body like a road map that he knew all too well.

He pulls away to leave marks down your neck, dark pink marks in the shape of his lips becoming mirror images to the now fading bruises that your other lover had left over the weekend.  The thought of Jumin made your heart ache, and you squeezed your eyes tightly to push the image of him out of your mind, silver eyes fading into blackness.

A bite at your collar bone made you gasp, your eyes flashing to meet his own molten gold imploring gaze. “I got you. You’re okay, you’re with me,”

His voice drips like honey down your skin, warmth following each word. He always knows exactly what you’re thinking, exactly what you need.

Your shirt is ripped over your head, your hands immediately following suit and reaching for his own. The rest of your clothes are shed in seconds, leaving you naked and preening, ready to rip off his clothes if they don’t cooperate. Your movements become frantic; needy. God, you need Saeyoung and you need him _now-_

He laughs softly as he pulls his shirt over his head, plucking your hands off him and placing them by your head. His hot amber stare melts you into the mattress, your breath ragged. He never takes his eyes off you as he unfastens his pants, quickly stripping them before returning between your thighs.

You feel him shudder against you as he kisses you roughly once more, expert fingers pulling and pinching your exposed nipple until it peaked. He moves his head down so his mouth can work alongside his fingers, causing you to gasp and keen against him.

Your hands snake into his scarlet curls, pulling and tugging as your arch into him, needing to feel all of him – needing him to feel all of you, all your love for him.

He takes the hint, moving down further until he’s in front of your wet heat, his tongue delving between your folds without any hesitation. You release a breath you didn’t know you were holding, the pleasure building steadily in your gut. You’re gasping his name, clawing and reaching for him as he pulls your clit into his mouth, rolling it between his lips until you were sure you were going to combust.

“Please, Saeyoung – god, I need you,”

Your voice sounds wrecked with pleasure and want, almost unrecognizable to your ears. He peers up you from between your legs, his eyes half lidded and filled with desire, clearly approving of his vantage point. He gives a slow, teasing lick up and down your slit, before you feel his fingers trace the same path.

“You are so perfect, perfectly made for me,” he murmurs softly, your ears straining to hear between your gasps for air.

His fingers are suddenly pressing inside your walls, curving and curling until they find the tender spot inside of you that makes you dizzy. His pace is punishing, causing you to moan and mewl at his ministrations abashedly.

You can’t stop the cry that escapes you when he pulls those talented fingers away, only pausing for a moment to suck them clean of your arousal. He crawls on top of you, hands pressed into the mattress on either side of your head, his tip lining up with your entrance.

His lips drop to yours once more, and while the heat is still there, his pace is slow, tongue tasting every inch of you like he has all the time in the world, like nothing could tear him away from this moment. With a final pull of your bottom lip, he rests his forehead against yours.

“I love you more than I thought was possible, more than I ever deserved,”

His voice is a whisper, a prayer against your skin that you answer with your body.

“I love you too, Saey—ah!”

He thrusts inside you, causing your voice to break, the sudden fullness robbing your voice of coherent words. Each snap of his hips to yours brings you higher, and you don’t think you can last long after the mess he made you with his fingers. His mouth is on any available expanse of skin, alternating between nips, bites and open mouthed kisses, the feel of him on your body making the white heat behind your eyes blinding.

A hand moves to cradle your face while the other slides behind your back, bringing you as close to him as possible, the need to be melded with you too strong to ignore. His eyes don’t leave yours, his gaze intense and greedy. He needs you to know how much he loves you, know that he understands how much you gave up, that he knows how much you need him, and how it’s reciprocated with every fiber of his being.

Your bodies and souls continue to collide, the stars bursting as you finally reach your peak, the coiled heat in your core releasing. Tears sting your eyes and stream down your face, his sharp thrusts make you come completely undone beneath him, the sight making him groan and bite his bottom lip. You’re a moaning mess, his pace steady as he works you through your orgasm, fingers bruising as they dig into your back.

When some of your sense returns, you reach up to grab at his neck, your nails biting the skin there as you reach up to press your lips to his shoulder. You need him to feel as good as you feel, for him to understand how much this means to you; you need his release. You latch to the tender skin, suckling it to mark him as your own, to let him know he’s claimed. He moans before his thrusts stutter, his warmth filling you as he comes.  

He stills after a few breaths, collapsing himself on top of you, his head coming to rest just under yours. Your hand moves to play with his hair, and you press him against your chest, needing to feel him inside you for just a bit longer. He nuzzles into you, his body relaxing as he steadies his breathing to the tune of your thumping heartbeat.

It took you a few moments of catching your breath before you realize that a few errant tears are still slowly streaming down your face, staining the sheet underneath you. Your heart feels so full it could burst at any moment; you’re holding the man that you fought for, that you know is probably the closest thing to a soulmate that you’ll ever get, who gives you way too much of himself and the world and that you don’t deserve – and yet, several miles away is another man whose heart is broken because of you, because of your greed and lust, who’s worthy of the world and warrants someone better than you.

Saeyoung lifts his head up slightly to look at you, concern crossing his face when he sees the wetness on your cheeks. A hand reaches up to wipe them away, before he pulls forward to instead kiss each tear until there are no more; your pain banished with his devotion.

“I know,” his voice is low, his face a mask of concern laced with adoration. “I know what you gave up, I know what you did to be with me. I will spend every day for the rest of forever making sure you know how much that means to me,”

Your eyes shine once more, tears threatening to fall at the sweet words, the love swelling your heart and tightening your throat.

He presses his head into the crook of your neck once more, cuddling into you and breathing you in. You hold on to him like a life line, hoping that maybe if you clutch him hard enough he’ll never leave this moment.

“I love you. I’ll love you always, Saeyoung.”

* * *

 

Jumin eyes the clock, the hands moving abhorrently slow for his liking.

His mind is at war; on one hand, he wants to keep his memories of you for however long he is graced to have them – on the other, he’s ready to get this over with so that he can go back to living his life and being able to look at things in his penthouse without wanting to cry, scream, or break something.

Or all three.

He fiddles with his cuff links, the glass of red wine in front of him enticing him to drink more. He wasn’t sure if he should drink before doing this procedure, but he couldn’t be bothered to ask. He didn’t have it in him to call the doctor, and the thought of texting Saeyoung right now made him feel a bit queasy.

He sighed heavily, raking a hand through his dark locks, closing his eyes tightly. _Remember why you are doing this,_ he reminds himself, steadying his breathing. _Remember who this benefits_.

She deserves to be happy, to be able to live her life with the person she chose without the guilt looming over her, without frenzied thoughts of him clouding her mind. He knew her, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to bear the looks of pity she’d give him, the way she’d treat him as if he was made of glass and would break with any wrong shift in movement. He would hate her treating him differently, not knowing how to act with all that they’ve shared between them, unsure of what’s proper or what he’d need so that he could move on.

He just doesn’t want to lose her light.

This is the only way. The only way that he can keep some small part of her, the only way that she can remain his friend and confidant. If he doesn’t remember, she won’t feel the need to pull back, to restrain herself around him. She can treat him just like the rest of the RFA members, and he won’t have to leave her warmth.

He smiles then, the memory of the weekend a bittersweet wound in his heart. A small, selfish part of him takes pleasure in knowing that when she looks at him, she’ll get flashes of memories of him above her, inside her, his lips on her skin. That she’ll always remember the way it sounded when he told her he loved her. He hoped that he was as tattooed on her heart as she was on his; that even though they wouldn’t be lovers, that she’d cherish the moments they spent together, and save a small part of her soul to dedicate to him. 

It wouldn't be so bad to be her little secret - to be together only as a ghost in her head.

Jumin leans over, finally picking up the wine glass and downing the contents in one gulp, the slight burn causing heat to rush to his cheeks. He then moved to lay on the couch, his eyes never leaving the clock.

 _Soon_ , he thought to himself, watching the hands move to notify him of the hour change, the dings indicating it was 1 pm.

Soon, he could rid his heart of this pain, and give the woman that he loves everything she needs to have a happy life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Juju let me hold you, you precious angel
> 
>  
> 
> Title is from the song on repeat in my head: PVRIS - You and I (Stripped)


	12. Obliviscatur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jumin's mind gets a procedure to forget, while his heart hopes it never does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeee I meant to post this yesterday, but got distracted by a live stream drawing of Zen's dick (not joking, btw)
> 
> Please forgive me <3 
> 
> In apologizes, this chapter is a bit longer than I normally manage. I had to stop myself from explaining technical nurse shit forever, since I know you all don't care, haha. 
> 
> I am continually impressed you all don't completely hate me. Bless you, thank you, I love you <3

The car ride was mostly silent; Saeyoung’s bouncing leg and fingernails between his teeth the only ambient noise in the back of Driver Kim’s car. His other hand was tapping absentmindedly at his phone, the small screen illuminating the worry etched into his brow.

Jumin shifted in his seat once more, right hand reaching up to adjust the perfectly in place cufflink on his left sleeve. Watching Saeyoung become a jittery mess was stressing him out more than he already was, and he resists the strong desire to place a hand on the man’s leg to still it from its incessant bouncing.

Despite the reason that brought both men in the back of Driver Kim’s car, there isn’t much tension to speak of. If it weren’t for Jumin’s anxiety and the pitying glances the red head kept throwing his way, it would be a normal afternoon with a friend. Relaxing, even.

Maybe that’s the wine talking.

Saeyoung’s amber gaze bores holes into Jumin’s skin once more, and he doesn’t think he can stand the look that he knows is on the younger man’s face for another minute.

“Saeyoung, stop staring. There’s nothing to say,”

“What do you mean?? There is SO much to say! Do you want a list? For starters, I’m sorry, you don’t have to do this, please don’t hate me-“

“None of that is necessary. I already know all that. And I don’t hate you,”

Saeyoung goes to open his mouth again before the dark-haired man shoots him a pointed glare. “Seriously, Saeyoung. I mean it. All the apologies are all already accepted. There is nothing to apologize for. I’ve made my choice and like I said to MC, I hope you understand.”

Saeyoung worried his bottom lip with his teeth, his eyes searching Jumin for any signs that he isn’t being truthful. How could he not be mad? He knows if the roles were reversed, he’d be more than just a bit bitter. Jumin is getting nothing from this deal – besides the weekend with his girlfriend, which he will soon forget – he is walking away with empty hands and pockets, a bruised heart with nothing to show for it.

Jumin sighed heavily, raking a hand through his hair before bringing it back to his lap. “I’ve made my peace with all of this. As much as I wanted…” his voice trails off, his eyes clouding with vivid memories that Saeyoung wasn’t privy to.

“As much as I want her, I knew how this would play out. Everything is for the best,” he tries to smile at the younger man, the curves of his mouth not quite reaching his eyes. “She deserves to be happy, and she is the happiest I’ve seen her with you,”

Saeyoung’s mouth relaxes at this, the concern still evident but not as prominent in his features. He couldn’t argue with that. For whatever reason, she wanted to be with him – she chose him. It defied all logic and sensibility, but he was greedy – his heart had found the one that it belonged with, and he wouldn’t let it go so easily.

The car door jerking open ended his reverie, and he blinked at the light filtering into the cabin of the car. Jumin moved first, exiting quickly, leaving Saeyoung to follow.

Well, guess it’s time to get this over with.

* * *

 

 The office looked more like a spa than a medical treatment facility – all hushed tones, soft music and soothing waterfalls to further relax the patrons. The nurses were all wearing muted purple scrubs, and their voices were barely above a whisper when they checked in their newest patient, guiding him to a love seat clad waiting room.

They didn’t have to wait long before Jumin’s name was called, and they followed one of the dyed-blonde nurses to an exam room. The room itself was cozy – the only furniture being a plush lounger, a coffee table, and two small chairs in the corner of the room. Cabinets lined the walls, and their bright white coloring was a stark contrast to the serenity feel of the rest of the place.

Jumin shook off his coat before moving to lay on the chaise, his eyes closing almost instinctively. Saeyoung awkwardly shuffled to one of the chairs, not knowing quite what to do with himself – if he should even be in here at all.

“I’m going to start an IV for the doctor, if that’s okay, Mr. Han,” the nurses voice was light as a feather, using a tone that oozed calm.

Jumin nodded his head in response, rolling up his sleeves expertly before returning to his previous position. The nurse was quick and efficient, Saeyoung observed. The tourniquet was placed, and after a quick cleaning the small needle was piercing the skin of Jumin’s hand, crimson flashing into the tube. She expertly taped it in place, patting Jumin’s arm to let him know she was finished. Jumin hadn’t even flinched during the process, his eyes still closed, hands now folded over his belly.

“Go ahead and relax, gentleman. The doctor will be in shortly,” the nurse murmured, before closing the door with a soft click.

Saeyoung sat in silence, watching his friend lay on the chaise lounge and breathe slowly, almost like he was counting with each inhale and exhale. The small movement brought his thoughts back to the woman waiting for him at his home – was she still sleeping? Would she be awake as well, forcing herself to complete yoga breaths to steady her heart?

The nerves punching through his system were too much to handle, the need to do something itching beneath the surface of his skin. His fingers ached to act, and his eyes finally settled on the cabinets; channeling his urges against them. He moved to start opening and closing each door, being careful to not disturb what he found inside while still sating his curiosity.

“Saeyoung, please sit down. You’re embarrassing me,” Jumin deadpanned, his eyes still closed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just restless and need to know what’s in here – what do you think this is?”

The hacker held up some small syringes filled with a milky substance, little red caps keeping the ends sterile. Each has a tag wrapped around the stem, though no words accompany it to claim them.

“See? No names. Suspicious…” Saeyoung mutters to himself, leaning to continue his search of the office.

“Those are prefilled syringes of lube,” a deep voice rings out, causing Saeyoung to jump. "We won't be needing those, don't worry."

Jumin sighs once again, regretting bringing the younger man along. Maybe he should’ve bared this trouble alone. At least then he would just feel depressed instead of being depressed on top of having the strong desire to climb out of his body.

The red head sheepishly drops the syringes back in their bin before moving to his previous seat. The man at the door waits, a calm and cool smile painted on his face.

“Hello, gentlemen. I’m Dr. Park. You must be Mr. Han,”

At the sound of his name, the corporate heir opens one steely eye, arm outstretching to uphold the professionalism, despite his lounging body language. He couldn’t force himself to fake the formalities today, so it seemed.

He did probably have too much wine.

“Yes, that is correct. It’s nice to meet you,”

A firm handshake later, the doctor moves to the other chair, his posture languid and loose.

“I hear that you are here today to get rid of some painful memories,”

Jumin pauses at that, the mention of his reason for visiting causing his throat to tighten. Tears prick his eyes, and though this seems to be a strong emotional response, he can’t help but feel embarrassed that it’s happening now, and didn’t happen when he was alone in the penthouse all afternoon.

The last thing he needed was more witnesses to his soul crushing suffering.

“Ah-um, I guess that is one way to put it,” he finally answered.

The doctor chuckled then. “Well, no reason to drag it out then, let’s get started. Mr. Choi, I’m assuming you brought what was requested?” the doctor faced him expectantly.

Saeyoung nodded wordlessly, pulling a small USB drive from his pocket. “Everything you need is on here,”

“Perfect.”

Dr. Park moves to plug in the small stick, alerting a small screen to automatically scroll down from the ceiling. Jumin quirks up an eyebrow at the exchange, curious as to what had just occurred. Saeyoung didn’t mention needing supplies for today? His mouth turns down in a frown, his gaze turning towards his friend with an unasked question.

Saeyoung looks apogetically at Jumin for a few seconds, until the intensity of the glare is too much to bare. There’s no point in answering, anyway – he’ll find out soon enough.

“Just to give you a little run down, we approach this procedure in two ways – we’ll give you some medicine, and then we will do a little visual hypnotism. The medicine has memory altering properties associated with short-term loss, which is self-explanatory, I’m sure. The hypnotism is what really helps erase the memories in question. We use visual cues to help trigger the mind and bring the unfavorable images forward, and then I’ll use hypnotism to make sure you don’t remember anything. Does that sound like a plan?”

Jumin starts when he hears about the ‘visual cues’ portion, eyes widening, the puzzle pieces clicking together of what Saeyoung brought on the USB. But how did he have pictures of them together? Wasn’t everything erased when you moved on to the hacker? He shakes his head, steeling himself. It doesn’t matter – it doesn’t change anything.

The doctors’ words made Saeyoungs heart kick into high gear, his leg bouncing along with the rhythm to help with the crushing anxiety. He looked over to Jumin, almost expecting him to rip out the IV and storm through the door, but he’s met with the stare of a man determined; with someone who knows what he wants and doesn’t back down from a challenge.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t scared – he was terrified. Of erasing not enough, of erasing _too much_ , of letting go of the only other human he had ever let inside his heart. He finally knew the teasing of love – real, true, uncontrollable love – and he didn’t know if he was ready to let it go.

But all Jumin had to do was think of your eyes; the adoration that you poured into your gaze anytime you looked at him, bright and filled with light when you were happy, the way they smoldered and darkened when you were in the throes of lustful passion. The bittersweet heartbreak mirrored back at him when you were presented with your two lovers, with a choice.

He will do this, because he will be strong enough for both of you.

“Yes. I’m ready,” Jumin replied with a curt nod towards the physician, letting loose a shaky breath.

Reassured, the doctor moved forward, a small syringe in his hand. He hooked it into the tube leading to Jumin’s vein, pushing the liquid slowly while a trained eye never left his face.

“Let’s get started then,”

An image clicked onto the screen, black and white, grainy but clear enough for Jumin to realize exactly what he was looking at.

It was his penthouse; his bedroom, to be exact. The picture zoomed in closer, focusing on his tall form caressing yours on his bed, lithe and wriggling for him under his touch. Heat flooded his cheeks, and a quick glance at Saeyoung told him that he was also being affected. After a few moments, the hacker hung his head, unable to continue watching – whether due to shame, jealousy, or arousal, Jumin couldn’t tell.

His head started to swim then, the picture swirling a bit on the edges as his eyes felt like there were leaded weights inside of them. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his vision.

“Mr. Han – Jumin – just focus on the pictures in front of you and my voice, nothing else,” the doctor crooned, his voice suddenly directly in Jumin’s ear.

He faintly heard further directions, the doctor whispering commands directly into Jumin’s head as he watched you on the screen; arching your back into him as your mouth opened into a perfect round ‘o’, your eyes tightly screwing shut as he leaned over to pull your nipple into his mouth. His head continually grew fuzzy, heavy, before everything blurred into one and the dark-haired man wasn’t sure what was reality anymore.

The last thing he remembered was your face, and he could’ve sworn he heard your voice calling to him out of the darkness, the world muffled until he strained his senses to focus on it, to latch onto the last piece of you before it was ripped from him forever.

He heard you call his name, and then his world melted into black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever stop crying??
> 
>  
> 
> Spoilers: no


	13. What it is to Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're not the only one who knows what pain feels like, and your family won't let you shoulder it alone. 
> 
>  
> 
> But who is going to be there for Jumin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the hardest time writing this chapter, seriously. My kid has the flu, ~~and a friend bought me stardew valley~~ so I just felt extra distracted this week, sorry guys! It's a little longer than normal, hopefully that makes up for the wait.
> 
> I tried really hard to make sure this doesn't fall flat, and I think I succeeded?? I'm not sure anymore. All I know is if I look at this chapter any longer, my eyes might start bleeding.
> 
> I should probably get a beta reader.
> 
> Thank you so much for the continued love - your comments brighten my day and light my fire. <3

Your eyes blink openly slowly, the sleepiness still making your eyelids heavy and sluggish. Dusky light streams into your bedroom at the bunker, the faded gold hues casting an ethereal glow around you, disorienting you slightly.

You reach your arms to the space beside you, searching for the warm form that had been beside you. Your hands grasp at nothingness; the sheets where Saeyoung had been lying cool to the touch.

He must have been gone for a while, then.

Your stomach flips into knots, a wave of anxiety threatening to break through the surface as you think about where he was, what he was doing.

_Jumin._

Balled fists are brought to your eyes, squeezing them tightly, silently willing the tears not to form. Not that you think you have any left in your body; you’ve cried enough to last you a lifetime in the span of a few hours.

You choke back the sob threatening to spill over, the stinging behind your eyes fading as you count your breaths in measured puffs. Crying won’t solve anything, won’t change what’s happening right now. Your boyfriend is with your lover helping him erase all his intimate memories of you, and it’s something that needs to be accepted – despite how painful it is.

You move to get out of bed, searching around the dimly lit room for some clothes to throw on. What you need is a distraction until Saeyoung gets back, something to keep your mind busy. Wallowing in self-loathing sounds appealing, but you know it’s a slippery spiral. Saeyoung has already dealt with enough of your shit for one day, the least you can do is pretend to pull yourself together and maybe make him a warm meal to come home to.

You sigh heavily, padding towards the kitchen to see if there was anything you could scrounge up with the ingredients left in the bunker. You hadn’t gone shopping in a while in anticipation of the place being empty for the weekend – you at Jumin’s penthouse, Saeyoung on his “business trip”. However, there were a few staples you always kept around for when you were in a pinch and wanted a quick meal. There were only so many times you could eat Honey Buddha Chips for dinner before you learned to have a backup plan in place.

You start gathering the materials for bokkeumbap; the left-over rice in the fridge prompting you to search for the other items to make the quick and easy meal. Luckily, you had some beef, bell peppers and eggs that were still fresh and would go perfectly with the rice.

Placing the items on the counter, you grab for the cutting board and knife, laying the meat out on the board while you go to wash the veggies. Your mind slips during the task, and you find yourself wondering about Jumin, about Saeyoung… how long does this procedure last? Will he be okay? Will someone need to stay with him afterwards? You should’ve thought of this before, but of course you were too distraught over your own feelings… maybe you should call and ask?

Distracted with your task, the sounds of running water drowning out your other senses, you miss the soft footfalls of someone approaching the kitchen, the person leaning against the doorframe to wait for you to notice them.

Your eyes flash at the movement in your peripherals, and you turn your head only to jump out of your skin at the sudden intrusion, a squeak leaving your lips. You drop the red bell pepper, letting it fall into the sink as you bring your hand to your chest, willing your heart to slow its rapid, startled pace.

“Oh my god! You scared the shit out of me,” you turn to face the man that is now laughing, looking awfully pleased with himself.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize my presence would be so alarming to you,” he says smugly, a hand rising to smooth his unruly red curls.

“What are you doing here, Saeran?” you reply, going back to the task at hand.

It wasn’t completely unusual for your boyfriend’s twin to just show up whenever he wanted; he had his own password and palm scan for the famed talking door to the bunker, and his old room was still set up the way it was when he had been living with you both. Since getting his own place (at his own instance and much to Saeyoung’s annoyance), he rarely stopped by, especially if his brother wasn’t around. He must want something, and that could mean trouble for you.

Surprised flashed on his face for a brief moment before he schooled it back into his normal devil-may-care expression, a mask of disinterest settling the lines of his mouth.

“I can’t come hang out with my family without a reason? I’m hurt. Also, how did you know it was me? I’m not wearing my contacts,”

You turn off the faucet, grabbing the tea towel off the rack to dry your hands before patting the peppers dry and moving them to join the meat on the cutting board, avoiding his searching gaze all the while.

“Because I lived with you both for months, dingus. I learned to tell who was who after the second time you guys cosplayed as Ouran Academy students and forced me to play the ‘Which one is Hikaru?’ game,”

Saeran snorts, moving into the kitchen to stand by the counter and watch you. You carefully chop all the vegetables into bite sized pieces before moving on to the beef, pausing only to dribble some oil into the pan before turning the burner on to heat up.

“Fair point. You were always hard to trick,” he leans back into the counter top, facing you, his eyes boring holes into your already puffy and reddened skin.

He clears his throat, fidgeting with the zipper on his hoodie before he finally finds the words he seems to be searching for. “How are you holding up, with ah-, um, all of this?”

You scoop up the veggies and toss them into the pan, busying yourself as much as possible in order to avoid his question. How are you even supposed to answer that? You just broke one man’s heart after spending the weekend in bed with him, and now your boyfriend is helping that same man get his memories erased. Peachy, you’re doing just great.

“Did Saeyoung send you?” you wonder aloud. Subtly is not your hacker’s strong suit, and he’s always overly cautious when it comes to you, regardless of reminders that you were adult and can handle being alone for a few hours. Isn’t that how this whole weekend started, anyway?

Saeran shook his head, red curls falling into his molten amber eyes. It really was eerie how similar the Choi twins were when Saeran wasn’t actively trying to differentiate himself from his brother. “No. I came because I figured you’d be a fucking mess. And I know how miserable it is to be alone when you’re in pain,”

You feel your throat tighten as your hand reaches to grab the beef to toss in the pan, shaking slightly as you try to push the flood of emotions back under the surface. _No, no more crying, dammit!_ Especially not in front of Saeran.

Saeran reaches for your hand before you’re able to grab the food, pulling you to his chest for a tight hug. You sag against the familiar frame, sharply inhaling his scent as you take deep breaths to calm yourself. He’s stiff against you despite being the initiator; even though he’s come a long way, he’s still not the best at the whole physical touch comforting thing, but he’s always tried, if only for your sake.

“It’ll be okay, kid,” he murmurs against your hair, pushing you back by your shoulders to look into your eyes. His concerned expression softens when he sees the turmoil there, his thumbs rubbing circles on your skin.

“I’m surprised you aren’t yelling at me for what I did. And don’t call me ‘kid’,”

He chuckles then, releasing your arms so you can continue cooking. “I am pretty sure you are doing enough yelling at yourself for the both of us. Plus, I think you made the right choice,”

You finish sautéing the vegetables and meat, and add in the leftover rice with some sauces so it can fry into perfection, the smell already making your mouth water. You quirk an eyebrow at Saeran, waiting for him to continue his thoughts. It’s one of those things about your boyfriends’ twin – he’ll make sure everyone knows how he feels about something, regardless if they want to hear it or not.

“MC, my moronic brother loves you. More than he loves anything, more than he loves himself. You saved him. Saeyoung - he needs you,” he chokes on the last word, his voice thick with emotion. Your eyes snap to his, startled by the fervor in his words. You didn’t realize that he would get so involved or worked up about this, but you should’ve known better. The Choi twins had a rough start, but they were brothers. Saeran spends most of his time telling Saeyoung how much of an idiot he is, but he still loves him, still wants to protect him.

You nod, moving the finished meal off the heat while turning off the stove. “I know. I don’t deserve him,” your voice is a barely a whisper, the squeezing of your heart choking off your words.

“Oh come on, don’t be stupid,” the heat in Saeran’s voice was sudden, volatile, and your eyes widened at the quick change. “You love him, don’t you? You fought for him, went through all this bullshit to end up at his side.  I know you have feelings for trust fund kid, but you _chose_ Saeyoung. Do you regret that or something?” he said, voice rising, words echoing in the kitchen and reverberating in your chest.

“No, of course not, I-“

“Good. Then **_accept_** it. You both love each other. You both deserve to be together,” he quiets again, his expression softening alongside his words.  “What’s done is done; that’s all that matters. Everything else is just noise,” he gestures with his hands, shrugging his shoulders. “This was always how it was supposed to end,”

 _How it was supposed to end?_ Your gaze is questioning, but he evades your glare, a pink blush rising to his cheeks at his outpouring of feelings. This is probably the most emotion you’ve seen from Saeran – ever - and it gives more weight to his words. He doesn’t allow himself to get riled up; doesn’t invest himself into your affairs, always in control. Despite his best efforts, it’s clear to you that he cares, that he actually gives a shit on how this will end for you – and it means more than you could feasibly express.

You know he’s right. Deep down, under all the grief and pain, his words ring true in your heart. What is done is done, and everyone has made their choice – not only you, but Jumin and Saeyoung as well. You think back to Jumin’s steely silver gaze, how it softened when he looked at you, when he would tell you he loved you.  How confident he appeared when he told you he knew what he wanted to do; the brilliant blaze in his eyes when said he didn’t want to make you choose, when he explained why he wanted to erase his memories. He was doing this for himself, but he was also doing this for you – the least you could do was not become a natural disaster, ruining and destroying everything around you.

You gulp, nodding your head as you finally meet Saeran’s eyes, resolve settling over you like a blanket. “I know. You’re right – I love him more than anything. We’ll be okay,” you smile at him, reaching out to grab his hand.

He rolls his eyes, trying his best to look annoyed, but a smirk lights up his face as he clasps his hand in yours. You stay like that for a few moments, feeling his support through the gentle touch, before he squeezes your hand gently and drops it.

“Good. I can only handle one idiot in this family, so you really need to keep yourself together,”

You laugh out loud then, feeling the tension of the day easing out of your bones, leaving you lighter. You fill two bowls with bokkeumbap, carrying them to the table and jerking your head to the side to encourage Saeran to join you. He never says no to food; especially not to anything you make. You’re no top chef, but you do have a few specialty dishes that you’ve perfected over the years, and he’s missed eating your home cooking.

 You eat in comfortable silence, his previous words soothing the storm that had been building. Your heart still ached for Jumin – at this point, you think it always will – but you felt the most peaceful you had in days. Saeyoung was your other half, and you couldn’t wait to spend every day of forever with him.

The chirping of the talking door disturbed your reverie, the robotic voice loudly echoing around the bunker. “Welcome, God Seven,”

Your heart slammed in your throat at the words, knowing what it meant – _home. He was home_. You were moving towards the door before you could even think about it, the need to be in his arms so strong that it was all your mind could focus on.

The minute his tall silhouette was visible, your body collided with his, arms tangling around his neck, hands searching for the hair at his nape. His strong arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into him and crushing you tightly against his chest. His nose was in your hair, mouth pressing silent kisses to your crown.

You stayed like that for a few moments, not trusting your voice to speak. Saeran cleared his throat loudly, muttering something about “too much PDA” as he slid his chair back from the table, heading towards the kitchen.

Saeyoung was the first to move, chuckling at his twin’s words, only pulling back enough to look into your eyes. His hand rises to your cheek, his thumb smoothing the soft skin there, golden eyes searching yours.

“H-how was it? Did it – I mean, um, is he okay?” you stammer, stumbling over the words.

Saeyoung smiles then, the look on his face one of pure adoration as he leans forward to press his forehead to yours. His lips skim your skin, featherlight kisses placed on your mouth before he finally speaks.

“He’s okay. Doctor thinks it was a success. We’ll know for sure when he wakes up,”   

You sigh at his words, letting go a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You cuddle back into his chest, the warmth of his embrace seeping into your body and soothing your soul.

_He’s okay. Everything is going to be okay._

Before you can move away, you feel Saeran’s chest press into your back, his arms wrapping up and around you to reach his brother. “Group hug,” he says half-heartedly, his tone joking and light as he cuddles his face into your neck. Saeyoung laughs as he loops one arm around his brother’s shoulders, squeezing you tightly between their broad chests.

You can’t help but giggle too, the warmth of the brothers’ love making you feel dizzy with joy. T _his is your family. This is home_. You soak in the moment, searing the image into your brain before wiggling out of their embrace. You leave them hugging each other for a few moments before they realize what you’ve done, leaping apart and making exaggerated sounds of disgust as they follow you into the kitchen. You shake your head at their antics as they continue to bicker behind you, filling up their bowls with more food and moving to join them at the table.

One thought circles inside your head, a pang in your heart distracting you, preventing you from fulling immersing yourself in this moment – you have a family and a home, but you couldn’t help but wonder, what about Jumin? You know technically he as those things, but what about right now?

Is he waking up alone?

* * *

 

 The penthouse is pitch black, the only light coming from the small digital clock on his night stand, blue light blinking and letting Jumin know it was 11:52 pm.

Had he been sleeping? He rarely goes to bed before midnight, let alone takes naps. He doesn’t have time for such frivolous things, and preferred the soothing calm nighttime provided. His eyes are heavy, and he rubs at them groggily trying to push the slumber from his vision. He clicks on the bedside lamp, blinking to adjust to the additional light now streaming into his bedroom.

He doesn’t remember coming in here, nor deciding to call it quits for the evening. What was the last thing he had been doing… working in his home office? Or was he at the C&R building? The further back he tries to push, the fuzzier his thoughts become, and he realizes that not only does he not recall his evening, the past few days were a blur as well.

Why can’t he remember?

He looks down, taking in his appearance; his body is clad in his signature black silk pajamas, instead of the three piece suit he expected to see. Elizabeth the Third is curled up at his side, purring contently. His phone is plugged in on his nightstand, the notifications of missed messages and calls blinking aggressively. He rolls to grab the device, sighing heavily as he sees that all 7 of the missed call notifications were from Assistant Kang.

He ignores the voicemails, as well as the throbbing in his head at the small movement. Wincing, he presses the proper buttons to redial her, expecting to leave a message considering the hour. She surprises him when she answers on the third ring, her voice clipped and dripping with exhaustion.

“Mr. Han, where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you for hours,”

Jumin sighs yet again, bringing his free hand up to rub at his temple. He doesn’t have the answer to her question – and he wishes he didn’t have such a pounding headache – but he wasn’t about to share that with her. He swallows his confusion down, forcing himself to speak with confidence he didn’t quite feel.

“I was resting, Assistant Kang. You have heard of sleep, yes?”

“Of course, Mr. Han. I just wanted to make sure you were coming into work tomorrow,” she replied harshly, thinly attempting to hide her annoyance.

He moves to stand, padding into the en suite to find something he can take for his head. He finds the small bottle he needed, shaking two teal capsules into his palm before swallowing them. He turns on the faucet, scooping some water onto his face before swallowing a bit, using a plush towel to quickly pat himself dry.

Jumin looks into the mirror, staring at his reflection in an attempt to conjure any clues to where his weekend went. His silver eyes look tired, the bags underneath proof that sleep wasn’t his friend. His raven hair was clean, yet disheveled, and his mouth was so dry that he was convinced it was stuffed with cotton.

“Of course I’ll be in the office tomorrow. If that’s all, Assistant Kang, I really must be going,” he states, hanging up the call before she could reply.

He moves to leave the bathroom, the desire to quench his thirst overtaking all thoughts until he catches something out of the corner of his eye. _What was on his neck?_ He turns back towards the mirror, pulling at the collar of his top to get a better look at the thick column.

Red and pale purple bruises littered the expanse of skin, starting where his neck meets shoulder, and continuing down to his clavicle. They varied in size and color, and some had tiny half-moon shaped indents accompanying them. Are these… love bites? Just what exactly did Jumin do this weekend? Who was he with? Long fingers trace over each mark, his mind searching for the answers and continually coming up blank.

He turns on his phone screen once more, scrolling through the missed calls and messages, hoping for any sort of clue that would explain all the lost time. Most were from Assistant Kang or other C&R employees, nothing out of the ordinary that would raise any concern. He then moves to open the RFA app, scrolling through a few of the chats briefly before giving up. There was nothing there to explain the gap in his memory, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask any questions in the chat and open himself up to harassment from the other members – especially from Zen.

Back in the home screen of the app, he clicks on the texts, hovering until he finds the name he wants. There’s only one person he trusts in a delicate situation like this who won’t tease him nor make him feel like he’s insane; who will listen to him with a kind and open heart, and support him in any way possible. He considers all of the RFA his family, however, there’s only one person that has slowly become a good friend.

He clicks your name, smiling to himself as he drafts the text before quickly pressing send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God dammit, my poor heart.
> 
>  
> 
> P.s. - Bokkeumbap is essentially Korean fried rice, usually made with colorful veggies, leftover rice, and beef, but can be made with anything you have available. A friend made it for me before and it is soooo amazing, seriously you should all try some.


	14. Back to Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times.
> 
> I love you much, 
> 
> it's not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, I can't believe I'm saying this, but we're almost done with this story!!
> 
> I only see about one or two more chapters happening (depending on how wordy I get) before it wraps up where I had intended it to. Man, it's been quite the ride.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments (and all of the tears), you guys are far, far too good to me <3

A soft ‘ping’ startles you from your cozy slumber;  your body sleepy and overheated. Blinking, you realize you’re on the couch – head leaning on Saeyoung, feet propped into Saeran’s lap. Both men are sound asleep as well, Saeyoung’s mess of red curls falling into his face as he leans against the arm of the sofa, soft snoring the only sound battling with the muted television. Looking over, Saeran appeared to be a statue; his head barely lolled back, eyes gently closed. You snorted at the sight – leave it to him to even sleep like he was disinterested in everything.

It takes you a minute to remember the noise that woke you – the gentle charm of your text alert – leaning over to pick up the phone and turn on the screen. A yawn ripped from your lips, and you peer at the digital clock illuminating the screen. 11:55 pm. Stretching slowly, you finally bring the phone to your face, touching the screen to pull up the text.

_Jumin._

Just seeing his name on the screen causes tears to well, your throat to tighten. What is he doing texting you? Did it not work? _Did he remember?_

Either your squeal of shock or slight tremble woke Saeyoung, despite all efforts to be quiet, and you feel a gentle hand running through your hair. “Hmm? What is it, babe?” the sleepiness in his eyes slowly dissipating as he sees your look of pure panic. “Hey, MC. Tell me, what’s wrong?”

Your ability to use words has left you, leaving you only a whimpering mess. Instead, you hold out the phone for Saeyoung to see for himself.

He squints, eyes dazed and unfocused at first before alarm flashes, hands raising to adjust his glasses as he reads the words on the screen.

_Message from: Jumin Han._

He swallows once, his adam’s apple bobbing as he pulls you in closer, his mind moving a mile a minute as he races through all the potential options and endings for this scenario. He was so sure it worked; did it not work? Or is he missing something?

You feel hands touch your ankles, gently moving them to the side and you turn to look at Saeran, now also awake and concern flashing on his face as he moves towards you. He grabs the phone out of his brothers hands, reading it carefully before handing it back over to you.

“Calm down, guys. This could be nothing. He still remembers her, right? Just not their…uh, relationship?” he asks, eyes flitting between you and Saeyoung. “Read the message before having a panic attack,” he says gently, a small smirk on his lips.

You nod your head, pulling a deep breath into your lungs. You feel twin eyes over your shoulders as you click the message, opening up the RFA app and pulling directly to your previous text exchange with the corporate heir.

_‘I hope I’m not bothering you, but are you awake?’_

You read the words on the screen several times before turning to look at your boyfriend, hoping he’d know what to do. In turn, Saeyoung appears deep in thought; pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he tries to figure out the best course of action. Saeran moves to speak, but Saeyoung cuts him off, giving you a soft smile.

“Well, don’t lie to the man – you are, in fact, awake, no?”

Your eyes widen at his playful tone, surprised that he doesn’t seem more worried.

“The moron is right. It still could be innocent, and we won’t know until you answer.” Saeran replies thoughtfully, before resting his head back on the couch. “Answer him, see what happens. Don’t worry, we’re here for you either way,”

With the reassurance from your family, you tap reply, formulating a message in response. You think of the million things you want to actually say, but instead type the simplest of replies.

‘I’m awake, what’s up?’

Your finger ghosts over the ‘send’ button, shaking slightly with nerves. You’re not scared to talk to Jumin – hell, you’ve been dying to talk to him all day – but you are worried that you somehow messed this up for him; that the one thing he wanted from you, the one piece of closure he requested, has been shattered and had slipped between his fingers.

You couldn’t bear the thought of him in pain, not anymore.

Pressing send, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding, sinking back into the couch. The brothers scoot closer to you, eyes focused on the television screen but bodies reminding you they were there and close by, supporting you silently.

You jump three feet in the air as your phone buzzes, signaling a phone call. A picture of Jumin’s face invades the screen, his current RFA profile picture of him sipping a glass of wine glaring back at you, waiting for you to answer.

You stand up, sliding your finger over the screen and holding the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?”

Shit, you sound awful – like someone who’s been crying all day over her two lovers, then had sex to dull the pain, and has fallen asleep several times over.

Hopefully Jumin doesn’t notice.

“MC,” he starts, his voice gentle and deep. “I hope I am not disturbing you at home,”

“Not at all, what’s up, Jumin?”

“Well, its kind of a funny story. I think you would be the only one to appreciate it,”

You hummed noncommittally, waiting for him to continue on his own. There were only so many words you could force before you knew they’d crumble in your mouth, turning to ash.

Saeyoung is suddenly in front of you, hands silently running up and down your arms, soothing you without speaking. Silent support, once again, always on breath away from you.

Jumin chuckled lightly, pulling your focus back to the call, to the sound of his voice through the phone. “I must have worked too hard this weekend – the whole thing is a blur, and all I remember is going to work Friday and then waking up right now,”

Air filled your lungs, your sharp gasp impossible to control.

He didn’t remember.

He didn’t remember _you._

This is what you wanted, right? For him to be released from the burden of knowing, for him to not suffer.

It didn’t stop the oxygen filling your lungs from feeling like flames licking and burning you from the inside out.

You manage a weak smile, nodding at your boyfriend, showing him you were okay – that everything was okay. Your eyes welled with unshed tears, a mixture of heartbreak and relief swelling inside.

You find your voice after another shaky pull of breath. “Is that true? What did I tell you about working too hard? You’re probably exhausted, you should get some sleep,”

“You’re probably right,” he sighed heavily, the noise sending a tingle down your spine. “Assistant Kang is already harassing me about business for tomorrow, I should attempt to rest while I still can.”

“That sounds like a good plan, Jumin,” you pause, lifting your eyes to the amber ones in front of you, Saeyoung still a step away. You reach out, your hand immediately interlaced with his own, his strength siphoned through the simple gesture warming you to the core.

"You don't happen to know about my weekend, do you?"

You freeze, his words firing ice down every nerve in your body. You swallow twice before the dryness in your mouth dissipates enough for you to be coherent. "Uh, no, I'm sorry, but I don't," you stammer, hoping that some of those words didn't sound as forced to him as they did to you.

Jumin laughs lightly once more. “Ah, that's alright, I figured as much. I won’t keep you, then. Goodnight, MC. I’ll talk to you later.”

Before you can respond, the line cuts off, a beeping indicated that he had hung up. The second the hand holding your phone drops to your side, you’re pulled into Saeyoung’s chest, the force of the embrace forcing the air from your lungs.

“He… he didn’t remember,” your murmur against his skin, your words barely audible with how hard you’re pressed into him.

“I know, I could hear,” your boyfriend replies, pressing a kiss into your hair. “That's good. That’s what he wanted. It’ll all be okay,”

You don’t respond, nor move a muscle – instead, you stay flush against Saeyoung’s body, his scent and warmth the only beacon in the sea of your emotions.

You’re not sure how long you stay there, unmoving, just purely existing, before Saeran’s voice shatters the bubble, bringing you back down to earth.

“Come on, it’s time for bed,” his hands come to land on each of your shoulders, gently guiding you both towards the bedroom.

You float down the hall, collapsing into the bed before plush, soft blankets cover you, Saeyoung’s body close behind. He snuggles into your back, pulling you flush against him once more, his hands and legs intertwining you until no skin is left untouched.

It’s all happening exactly how it was supposed to, and come tomorrow, the weekend will officially be over; everything will be back to it’s normal pace, stories of routes and lovers will fade until they become white noise in the background of your lives. The three of you – your boyfriend and your, for all intents and purposes, adopted brother – will be the only ones to carry the burden of this secret, this crazy thing that landed you in the midst of this whirlwind. The events of the weekend will be known only to you, forever, and you’ll only love Jumin in memories, fragments of smoke that flash into your mind for a moment, before slipping through your fingers.

And this pain – the ache that you’re feeling, the dull throbbing in your heart, will fade once you see him smile, once you know he is truly happy and unharmed, going about his life as normal. Moving on.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You go back to him, and I go back to black.
> 
> (black is coincidentally the color of my heart now)


	15. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll never move I’ll never lose I’ll never move I’ll never lose I’ll never move I’ll never lose you
> 
> Unraveling the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, this is the last chapter, guys!
> 
> I can't believe we're at the end.
> 
> I want to sincerely thank you all for your kind words, comments, and kudos. At the beginning of this, I never dreamed one person would read it - let alone any of you; so to know that people enjoyed this crazy story and put up with it never ceases to amaze me.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart, thank you.  
> <3

It was perfect.

To you, it was perfect.

Saeyoung had been a giddy beast all day, practically hopping out of his skin as he gathered the things for your day trip. You were going to witness a meteor shower; the only one that will be in your area for the unforeseeable future. He had been buzzing about it for weeks, telling you how lucky this was and how amazing it will be to see with the naked eye. He then made a comment about how it would be preferred to see it with a naked everything, but you had ignored that comment for the time being.

It was a rosy, dusky sunset when you arrived to the field, having driven countless miles into a nearby mountain for the best viewing spot, per the hacker. You had laid out several blankets on the ground, a thermos of hot cocoa used to hold down one of the corners as he smoothed them out. He had even packed a picnic basket; filled with sake and sushi for you, honey buddha chips and Dr. Pepper for him.

 You took bites of food between tickle fights and kisses, and eventually had found yourselves lying back on the blankets, eyes watching the shimmering sky. He was quiet for the first time in hours, his fingers intertwined with yours, as you waited for the stars to start falling.

After a few moments, the first one streaked through the sky, leaving a white hot blazing trail behind it. Saeyoung had pointed to it with his free hand, shrieking out a quick “there!” before more started to follow, creating a beautiful cascade of light. A gasp left your lips, your gaze never straying from the miracle before you – shooting stars staining a blanket of inky night - which is why you missed Saeyoung shifting, pulling a small black box out of his pocket as he moved to his knees.

The sound of your name whispered in a husky voice pulled your attention to meet his honeyed gaze, his eyes brighter than the stars falling above you.  You were suddenly on your feet, hands clasped tightly in his own as he spoke; thanking you for quieting his demons, for loving him through the worst parts of himself. He then asked you to be his forever; to stand by his side, fighting off the monsters hand in hand together until you left the earth and moved to the stars.

It was perfect.

You said yes instantly, tears streaming down your face as his soft lips captured yours before the words finished tumbling out.

It wasn’t until a few moments later, after Saeyoung had pulled out a celebratory bottle of champagne and two glasses that you realized you weren’t alone; Saeran’s shadowed form coming towards you from the other end of the field, sly smirk on his face, fancy camera dangling from his neck.  Turns out your fiery little boyfriend – _fiancé_ – had planned this well, including utilizing his twin’s new hobby to take pictures of the proposal.

Your pure and utter joy was indescribable in that moment; infectious, almost palpable in that field, under the cloak of stars. You hugged both boys tight, searing this moment into your brain, this feeling into your heart. You never wanted to forget how this felt; the way your heart swelled, the twinkle in those amber eyes, the sound of his voice as he asked you to marry him.  You had your family with you, and you were going to be family forever, now – and you couldn’t have asked for more.

The RFA had all been ecstatic when they heard the news, making your heart feel like it would burst. They were truly the other half of the family you had come to known and cherish, and knowing that you had their blessing was all you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Telling Jumin was the hardest – only for you, that is. You hadn’t seen him since your weekend together a month ago; however you had interacted over the phone several times. The last he had remembered was that you two were good friends, therefore he never hesitated to call you to ramble about his day, or text complaints during lengthy and boring meetings. The relief you felt when you realized he didn’t remember anything was only overshadowed by the tinge of pain you felt in your heart any time you thought of him or heard his voice.

It was hard to hide your surprise when he just gave you a genuine response of congratulations and happiness at the news. You weren’t sure what you had been expecting – for him to yell? Break things? Fight for you? It was all silly. The procedure had worked, and he only knew of the you that was a good friend, not the one that had loved him until the thin light of morning.

And that was enough.

Saeyoung had been pretty persistent that you needed to hold an engagement party to celebrate with all of the RFA, stating that when a God gets married, a party needed to be thrown. Who were you to argue with that? While the others had tried to make it a huge, RFA-style event, you had insisted to keep it simple, claiming the bunker was big enough for all of the people you’d want there, and would keep things light and casual.

Now that you were on the verge of having your closest friends come over, you couldn’t calm the butterflies in your stomach, your breaths and limbs jittery with excitement. And anxiety. Just a tiny, little bit of anxiety.

I mean come on - this would be the first time seeing Jumin since… since being with him. The last image you have of him was as the door closed on his shining eyes and bittersweet, watery smile on your way out of the penthouse. You told yourself it had been weeks – you could handle this. Hell, you had done it the first time around, you could do it again.With his memory gone, the only person who would feel awkward was you (well, and maybe Saeyoung) – and on a day celebrating love, you refused to let it consume you.

That didn’t stop the slight tremble at the thought of seeing him the flesh, however.

The doorbell ringing brought you out of your thoughts, and after a quick glance around the bunker to make sure everything was in place, you pulled a deep breath in your lungs and smiled to yourself as you strode confidently towards the door.

Tonight was a party in honor of you and your fiancé, and you were going to make the most of it.

* * *

 

Jumin reached for his cufflinks for the millionth time, adjusting them to make sure they were in place and fastened tight as he walked towards the bunker, a wrapped gift tucked under his arm.

It had been awhile since he had last seen you – months, he imagined. He chatted with you often, of course – he felt closer to you than most of the other RFA members, and you were always so understanding and kind when he needed support, regardless the topic. You were definitely a shining beacon in Jumin’s life, and he was excited to see you in person and show his support for yours and Saeyoung’s upcoming union.

So why did he feel so nervous about knocking on the door?

He told himself it was because he didn’t know what to expect, and as a man of routine, he despised surprises. He swore that if he walked in the room and Saeyoung jumped out of anything – cake or otherwise- he would leave immediately, regardless of how much he wanted to be there.

But, if he examined the thought further, truly putting it under the microscope – he knew it had to do with seeing you.

There was a nagging thought, brief and fleeting, yet he couldn’t shake it. He found it swirling in his mind several times a day, all consuming. It wasn’t anything extravagant, and certainly nothing he could decipher – just one word when his thoughts landed on you, when he’d read your name off his phone or hear the light lilt of your angelic voice.

_Mine._

He shook his head, attempting to send out that idea along with it. He needed to hurry up and knock, or someone would find him shifting and twitching outside of the bunker and he’d have to explain himself.

He pressed the doorbell once, hearing the automated voice alerting those inside that a guest was at the door. He felt awkward, his nerves a livewire throughout his body, a sensation he tried to stomp out quite literally. A few beats went by, his heart in his throat, as he swallowed thickly and waited to enter, eyes focused on the one small scuff he could see on his shoe-

Suddenly, the door in front of him was pulled open, light streaming into the entry way and sending it into blazing daylight. Music and sounds of laughter spilled out as well, instantly filling Jumin with warmth at the knowledge of his friends being inside and waiting for him.

He pulled his eyes up, meeting those of the person standing before him.

You.

You were in a gorgeous pale silver short dress, threads of glitter catching the light to make you glow; the perfect image of starlight. He took a moment to drink in the look on your face; your cheeks were rosy – whether due laughter or champagne, Jumin couldn’t tell – and your eyes were shining bright, your affection evident and almost as blinding as the smile you were treating him with.

He smiled in return, unable to stop himself from doing otherwise, as he breathed your name and moved to pull you into a friendly embrace.

He opened his arms wide, moving towards you to fold your small body into his own. Your arms snaked around his middle as your face pressed into his chest, eyes closing on instinct to breathe him in and return the hug.

And that’s when it happened.

As soon as contact occurred; as soon as his hands had touched your soft skin and pulled you into his chest, as soon as he breathed in the smell of your hair – a mixture of strawberries and lavender, he recalled everything with a sharp intake of breath – a flash of white blinding him temporarily before an onslaught of images blinked before his eyes, one at a time, slow to start but quickly gaining speed, infecting all of his senses.

They were all of you.

You smiling up at him while he held you, laughing at something he said. You curled up into his lap, doing a perfect imitation of Elizabeth the 3rd as you slept and he brushed his long fingers through  your silky hair. You breathing his name in the shell of his ear as he suckled the thin skin at your neck, marking you as his own. You laying in his bed, sheets tangled around your limbs, talking to him softly in the light of dawn as your fingers intertwined. Your voice saying his name in conjunction with “I love you” over and over as he moved inside you, claiming your body until you collapsed, exhausted.

And suddenly, everything made sense.

Those feelings he had noticed while talking with you, the way your name affected him, his desire to make you his own  - was because you had been his, before Saeyoung, before this - once upon a time.

In one lifetime, he had been your happy ending.

And then you had left. And he had chose to forget.

Jumin forced himself to pull back from your hold, his silver gaze searching your own. You smiled up at him, your emotions masked behind the genuine fondness he found on your face. He knew you were speaking to him – probably thanking him for coming, telling him where he could place the gift and where the bar was, but the words fell before they reached him, and he smiled and nodded instead, pretending like he understood what you saying.

It was easier than trying to explain that he was remembering the way you moaned when he backed you into the wall of his room, asking you if you remembered the rules of his bedroom-

_Ah, fuck._

Jumin moved towards the bar, needing something to dull the senses and numb the emotions that were threatening to spill over. He had to control himself – this was your engagement party, for goodness sake. He could at least be a gentleman in Saeyoung’s home, for you. He could greet each member of the RFA, talk as if everything was business as usual, plaster a forced smile on his face for the evening so that no one was the wiser.

But, then after. After this forsaken party, after leaving this bunker.

Could he really stomp out his feelings until they were smoldering embers, hoping they’d turn to ash with time? Could he really pretend that he hadn’t loved you and lost you – just to love you one more time before erasing all recollection of your time together?

There had to be a reason why he couldn’t move on, why medicine and hypnotism and all methods of self coping had failed; left him wanting, remembering, needing you despite all odds. He should’ve known he wouldn’t be able to forget you.

Jumin wasn’t sure if he had ever believed in fate, but in this moment he knew what his destiny entailed, what the threads of his mind were tangled around, what he needed to unravel.

You.

A piece of you would always belong to him. Just as a piece of you would always belong to Saeyoung, the redhead who currently had you in his embrace, whispering sweet nothings in your ear until you blushed beautifully and smiled as Jumin and the rest of the RFA looked on.

He was a man of his word; but he was also a man with tenacity, a man who knew what he wanted and knew damn well how to get it.

And this time, he wasn’t going to give in. He couldn’t. He had tried for your sake and his own, and it didn’t work – because he needed you, in whatever capacity, in whatever way dulled the haziness and gave him purpose; gave him a taste of pure light. 

He knew what he needed to do.

He would give you this moment, this night to celebrate your feelings and to wear that ring around your finger as proof of Saeyoung's claim over your heart and soul. And he would smile and behave and force out words of congratulations, while his mind churned and planned and decided.

He wasn’t going to lose you.

He refused to lose you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So don’t forget me, you cant forget me, you wont forget me, please don’t forget me,  
> With changing inside I’m completely paralyzed  
> Remaining corrupt as I wish for paradise  
> Remember the me, the way I used to be"
> 
> Ahhhh
> 
> I know some of you called it, hopefully you aren't cursing me too much.
> 
> I have a few ideas on how to expand this, however, this point was always the intended end for this story. If I did continue it, it would most likely be in a separate fic that would become a part of a series with this one, but Unravel Me needed this end.
> 
> Forgive me.


End file.
